Buckle up, readers, because we're taking a joy ride to Rant City (irony intended).
One of the absolute worst first-world social media problems is not being able to successfully enjoy posts because they are captioned with either "I'M SCREAMING," "I'M CRYING," or a combination of both — usually followed by a long line of unnecessary emojis expressing the same thing, sometimes including "ACTUALLY," "LEGITIMATELY," or "LITERALLY."
Please stop doing this.
You are not screaming. You are not crying. You are more than likely sitting at your desk, on your couch or even on the toilet completely expressionless. If you did laugh, it was a brief chuckle that released a little more air through your nose than usual.
You were never screaming. You were never crying.
If everyone who wrote these kinds of captions was "literally" screaming and/or crying, the world would constantly be in the middle of a psychotic meltdown. College campuses would be filled with shrieks and drenched with tears, but instead, it's filled with a bunch of melodramatic liars sipping on lattes and writing in all caps on everything they're tagged in.
You were literally never screaming, and the only thing you're crying over is that list of upcoming exams.
I understand that our culture consists of a lot of exaggerating (filters, special effects, Photoshop, etc.), but this is just a series of blatant lies. I also understand that sometimes people laugh so hard, they cry or snort or wheeze, but where does screaming fit in? Laughing and screaming do not correlate. They are two very different things. Who started this? I have so many questions that I don't even care to have answered.
I just want it to stop.
"But Jackie, no one has ever actually laughed their ass off, and people rarely roll on the floor laughing. Why can't I scream and cry?"
Because you are not a four-year-old having a meltdown in the center of Target. You are a grown human being capable of handling the mild emotions that result from a funny meme.
If you actually laughed out loud, there's already a phrase for that. Do the Internet a favor: calm down (oh wait, you already have) and LOL.
This has been a PSA sponsored by my frustration.