Throughout a female's life, she will experience many firsts. Her first period. Her first kiss. Her first college acceptance letter, and her first year at college. Her first job. Her first romance. Her first marriage. Her first pregnancy. Her first realization that she is going through menopause, and that the gift of youth has vanished in exchange for reality, age and wisdom. These events are celebrated for the same good reason: they mark progress.
But, there is another first that is unsung. It is often overlooked, but important to discuss. This first is medieval and perpetually reveals the harsh truth behind the controversial acts we (still) deem as nonthreatening: Her first catcalling experience.
Perhaps this is due to my freakishly vivid memory, but I can recall my first catcall experience verbatim. I was thirteen and physically ripe walking from my neighbor's house to my own, when a loud pitched whistle caught me off guard. For the remainder of my stroll, I was bright red and slightly on edge.
My mother's response to the incident?
You're now mature, and this is just the beginning.
My mom's honesty reveals the fundamental implications many females begin to understand around adolescence: newly developed hips, breasts and other physical features may be exciting, but are haunting like a Scarlet Letter in that they're open to continual and habitual harassment. We're trained to not defend ourselves, but to rather smile and ignore. Smiling and ignoring will likely make the perpetrator disappear (unless he decides to follow you, of course), and the issue will simply be added to a repressed collection of similar encounters.
And so, I mentally attempt to shield myself from the catcaller's words and advancements, without doing anything bold in retaliation. Most women, unfortunately, do the same.
But doing so has made me jaded and exhausted. This is where the rant begins. Please take note, and read carefully. It is really not difficult to grasp.
1. I'm not asking for it.
My attire shouldn't provoke you to express sexual innuendoes and other inappropriate sayings. If you disagree, then your stupidity will rightfully provoke me to slap you.
2. It's not a compliment.
Telling me I have "kissable lips" when you're 25 years my senior and I'm working is not a compliment. It is not kind. It is not a good conversation starter. It is beyond creepy and inappropriate.
Beware: a catcaller will pull the "it's a compliment" card as an excuse to make you feel powerless and guilty over the situation, as if you deserve to feel wrong for not showing enthusiasm or interest. If he really desired to flirt and get to know you, he, by all means, will do so appropriately.
3. A catcall will not make my day.
Oh yes, being told I have a nice [insert physical feature] will suddenly provide me with a new-found sense of value. A catcaller's trickery is transparent, along with his attempt to dance around his skewed intentions with pretty words. You know what makes my day? Being told I'm nice, funny or genuine because, in order to figure this out, a person actually has to evaluate my character from worthy conversation rather than rely on a cop out: a superficial judgment call on the sidewalk.
4. And many of us do not need you to boost our confidence.
Believe it or not, many females do not have fragile self-esteem for you to save or rebuild with a catcall. For those who do, they will find confidence in a positive and fulfilling way. ON THEIR OWN. It's not your job to validate a female's, or anyone's for that matter, sense of worth from afar.
5. Please don't tell a woman to smile.
Just don't ... I'll let you figure this one out. #SorryNotSorry
6. Lastly, if you catcall, own up to your actions
Don't contrive a list of excuses in your defense because deep down, you know how ridiculous it is to say, "Today, I yelled at a female across the street in an unbecoming, sexually immature manner! I want to have sex with her, but don't want to respect her." Just admit it, you catcall out of insecurity and to feel powerful. The first step in progress is to admit your issues, and then work towards self growth.
A woman's first catcall is certainly not her last and serves as a reminder of what's in store. More importantly though, a woman walking on the street, in the supermarket or anywhere else should not be viewed as an opportunity and an open invitation for harassers to unleash their commentary.
