I want to start this off with saying that I am not trying to attack anyone personally. Please, do not take this to heart. This is not meant to upset anyone. This is more of a personal rant than anything. Do not take any of this personally.

I also want to state that this could potentially be a trigger to someone who is struggling with anything like depression or self-esteem issues.

This is my personal account of fighting with low self-esteem. I’ve fought with this since I was younger. I was always the bigger kid in the class. First, I was the tallest kid in my kindergarten class. Then I was the heaviest kid in the class. I have fought with my weight for years, ever since I was a little kid. In my personal experiences, family can either make it better or worse. There is no in-between. They can mean the best by what they say but the effect their words can have are not foreseen by the person who speaks them. I was asked by a family member if I ever thought about getting surgery for my weight. At the time this was said, I was suffering from depression. When that was said, I wanted to say, “No. I have not thought about the surgery. You know what? I have been thinking about is killing myself because evidently I am not good enough for anyone.” All I actually said was no. I have been losing weight on my own.

Another time, I was all stressed out before my prom. I was worried that I wouldn’t look good in my dress. Then I was worried that my hair wouldn’t turn out right. Then I became worried about my face. From all the stress, I broke out in acne and a giant pimple appeared on my forehead. I tried to squeeze it to make it go away. That just made it worse and more inflamed. I had a family member look at me and say to my face, “Oh, you have a pimple on your forehead.” They were across the room when they said it. Which freaked me out more. Why did you have to point that to my face? I already know it’s there and I’m already freaking out over it. Now with knowing that it can be seen across the room one day before my prom, that makes me even more stressed out.

I have been working a job in which I am around a lot of grease. I am the dishwasher and I have greasy water splashing up in my face and making my skin greasy, which has caused my skin to break out considerably and it is mainly on my forehead and jaw line. It also doesn’t help that the only places that are open when I get off are fast food places. I was getting my hair dyed to the perfect color I wanted it, and some hair dye got on my face. As the person assisting me was trying to help me get the dye off, they made a comment and I know they were just joking it but still hurt. They were trying to wipe off the dye with alcohol and nail polish remover. They said this ought to dry up your acne. You know what? I know I have acne. I hate that I have acne. I wish that it would just disappear. It virtually disappeared while I was in school and now it’s back.

Please, just think before you speak. I’m used to getting snide comments by other people. It’s not that these comments were extremely hurtful to me. It’s that these comments just made me think, “Really? You just said that? Really?” Just please think before you speak. Open your mind before your mouth. Once again, I am not attacking anyone personally. Please do not take this as me attacking you personally.