If you are a person of color and your significant other is not, chances are, yes, they are probably racist.
As America is progressing as a society, interracial couples are becoming significantly more common. When two individuals from different social backgrounds come together in a relationship, there are certain attitudes that I have observed over the years.
According to the U.S. Census, interracial married-couple households in the United States increased from 7.4 percent to 10.2 percent from 2000 to 2012-2016. With this idea that interracial couples and marriages are increasing in mind, what are the expectations we have for our significant other? This is not intended to generalize every interracial couple, this is just an observation.
A few months ago at my work, a coworker of mine came in as a customer. I haven't worked with her for the few weeks I had been employed, so naturally I just assumed she was a random customer. She walks in ranting about her landlord being cheap, then finishes by saying something along the lines of, "He is Vietnamese so he doesn't understand how the American system works" and "Asians don't know how money works."
At this point, I'm not sure if she knew I was Asian and was trying to antagonize me or if she genuinely believed I was white. As a Korean-American, I have passed as white before, but many people would agree to say that I am unmistakably Asian.
As she left I was so confused and didn't really know whether I was offended or not. My coworkers were quick to inform me that her husband is Asian as if it could justify her racism. According to these same coworkers, she makes Asian jokes all the time and is not racist because her husband is Asian. I made it very clear to my coworkers that her behavior is not okay and I could not care less whether her husband was Asian or not because it will never make her Asian herself.
Even if she was Asian I wouldn't know how to react to her remarks. Maybe I could laugh it off easier, but it would still leave me feeling uncomfortable.
A week or so later I brought up this scenario in my womanist/feminist literature class. Another student shared a similar story with the class: her Black boyfriend's brother was dating a white girl who threw around the n-word and justified her racism with the fact she was dating a Black boy.
While others may tolerate this vernacular, it is not a subject taken lightly by many. Many people are tolerable of racist humor which is why I'm sure my coworker's husband didn't have a problem with her racist comments and some Black people tolerate the n-word. However, many of us aren't comfortable with it and that should be respected.
Our reasons for feeling uncomfortable are valid.
These two situations were examples of racism within a relationship. One contains racist remarks fully intended to offend Asians, and the other one pertains to a controversial word that evokes victimized racism. People need to be respectful of individual social backgrounds if they are going to throw around controversial words or opinions; especially in regards to race.
At the end of the day, these are just words, but it's the impression we leave on people and the attitude we want to promote in our world that needs to be considered. Please, if you have learned anything from this article: be respectful of others.
Dating anyone of color does not put you in a position where you get to decide if you are being racist or not!
