Freshman year, my roommate was from Missouri. Both of us went home nearly every weekend. Come Sunday evening as both of us came back to our dorm, reluctant to face a new week of "real life" that held responsibilities and worry, we started talking about our weekend apart. As Shayna walked out of the room, I casually said, "Oh, and I went on a date yesterday." She immediately whipped her head back in the room, eyes as wide as saucers, and frantically stammered, "WHAT? WHO? HOW?"
Clearly, I don't date a lot. And apparently when I do, it's a huge deal. I can count on one hand the amount of guys I've had a relationship with. Call me picky, call my standards too high, call me "too intimidating for a girl", I've just never been the person who is constantly dating someone.
This is NORMAL for me. I'm practically ready to start wearing a sign around my neck at Christmas that says "No, still no boyfriend!", because the question is inevitable. I know that all my distant family that I see once every year or so and family friends that have seen me grow up are just interested in what's going on with my life. It's no problem to smile and say, "No boyfriend. But I've got a great apartment, a good GPA, and am excelling in my sorority and choir." I know how these conversations go. Which is why I know the sentence that comes next 95 percent of the time: "Well just stop looking for a boyfriend and you'll find one!"
Nothing I ever say indicates that I'm desperate for love or making eyes at every guy my age that crosses my path. I actually steer away from the topic as quickly as I can. So how does this sentence always manage to be spoken?
I am nineteen years old. My life is just beginning! I am perfectly fine with who I am. Aren't we taught to love ourselves immensely from the moment we can understand we are our own person? We're taught to love ourselves SO MUCH, in fact, that we do not have to depend on another to determine our self-worth. Maybe I took this too literally. I have been told I am intimidating to guys my age because not only am I confident in myself, but I have a rock solid faith. I am committed to my God, and I trust Him wholeheartedly, because I know His plan is so much bigger than anything I could ever fathom for myself.
"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord!" -Psalm 27:14
See, it doesn't matter whether or not I actively search for love. When it's in God's plan, it's GOING to happen. Yes, it gets hard being patient. Sometimes it's ridiculously annoying because why can't I just have what I want right now? But it's gratifying to know that what I want right now may last four or five years compared to what God wants for me, which will last a lifetime. He is constantly acting in my best interest whether I realize it or not. I believe in true love, I believe in soulmates, I believe in magic, and I believe that nothing will keep two people apart if God wants them together. When I meet my person, I doubt God will let me walk past without turning me around, pointing, and saying, "That's the one!" So stop telling me, "Once you quit looking for love, it will find you!" when I'm not even stressed about it. Until that day comes, I will continue to become the best person I can be, that way I can be the woman God wants me to be in my future husband's life. The time I have now to grow as an individual might be necessary to someday support my future husband through a difficult time.
I am not worried, y'all. I just wish everyone who thinks I can't get a boyfriend or thinks I repel men would realize this too. I'm not a bad person, I'm not boring. There is not a reason why I am not dating anyone, it just hasn't been the right person yet. So thank you to everyone who has ever given me dating advice, but my God's already got a plan for me, and I'm just doing the best I can. He's got it in the bag.
