In 2015, I was emotionally and physically a mess. Physically, I was gaining weight steadily. My body was feeling worn down by the lack of movement, proper blood flow, and quite honestly there was a sense that my health was deteriorating. On the mental side, I just felt off. Quick to anger, anxious all the time, and I couldn't remember simple things like what I wanted to do that day and sometimes why I walked into a room. It began to become apparent that my brain was a smoking wreckage and my body was following suit.
There were so many signs that I needed to make a change. I needed to do something that mattered. Something that was not just for me. I had purchased Sarah Wilson's book "I Quit Sugar" then quickly returned it because I thought that it was crazy. I later went back and repurchased the book. Deep in my soul I knew I needed to make a change, my life depended on it.
I set out to make changes. I began a twelve-week workout program. I started getting up at six a.m. to read and give myself some space. I needed to think, to sit in the quiet and drink a cup of coffee without having to reheat it over and over again. I read my Bible, and book after book written by authors who spoke to me from the shelves at Barnes and Noble. I started to breathe more freely, so I decided to be brave enough to look into the side effects sugar can have on brain function and the body. The research was devastating. Once I began to learn more I knew I was heading towards giving up sugar.
May 27th, 2015 I quit eating sugar. All sugar. I joined the eight-week long I quit sugar online plan and dedicated every bit of will power I had to stay away from this beautiful poison. I couldn't keep up with life if I was going to keep eating sugar. I had a plan. I would quit eating sugar, and I would work it out of my body at the gym.
On the eight-week plan you begin to eat less sugar the first week, this step wasn't as hard as I had expected. I was so excited about making a change it felt easy to move through cutting back. Then you pull every kind of sugar including fruit out of your diet for six weeks. This step was acceptable till around 3 p.m. on the first day. I remember thinking getting shot in the foot would be less painful. I added sitting in the dry sauna every day to the end of my workouts. I read once sweating makes you detox faster. So I would stay in there for about 20 minutes, it helped. Then, after six weeks, you add back in the fruit. I am not exaggerating in the slightest the fruit tasted so much sweeter. After about week seven or so I began to notice that I would get very sick and immediately get a headache if there happened to be sugar in something I got from eating out or at friends without knowing it. My body had no interest in letting the sugar back in. I'll be honest I loved it. I could think clearly. When something came up that made me upset, I could handle it. Between working out four to five days a week and eating so healthy, I was functioning better than I ever had before. Plus, knowing that if I ate sugar, I would get sick helped me stay away from anything that might have it in there.
What I had hoped for had come true. I could remember things better, and my body didn't feel like it might give up tragically on me. It isn't an easy lifestyle, and not everyone I knew was all that supportive. One of the things I heard the most was, "I could never do that." I felt alone but free from an addiction that had tied me down for far too long.
Then came 2016, it was a rough year. A year full of personal experiences that I didn't know how to handle. I started letting myself have little bits of sugar here and there thinking now that I had been six months without it, I could start to manage my intake with ease. For my birthday I had cheesecake, and when a little boy in a class I was assisting in made cookies, and I couldn't say no to his sweet eyes. I worked past how it made me feel every time I would indulge until my body gave up. The next thing I knew I was eating way too much of it again, not to mention larger portions all around. I stopped working out altogether and started telling myself I could handle it. I tried to manage the amount of sugar I let myself eat, but the more I told myself to stop the more I ate.
As 2016 came to an end, I couldn't keep up with the always feeling angry and the mental fog again. I felt just awful and knew I needed to make a change. Now I know not everyone has this much of a problem with sugar. I would like to hope not anyway, but I do. I just don't stop with one cookie or even two cookies. When I go on a sweets binge, I get lost in it and don't look back.
I quit sugar once again after a trusted soul looked me in the eyes on December 31st, 2016 and said, "You can't even tip your toe into something you know with quickly drown you."
I don't know if you struggle like I do, or if you have something in your life that leads you to self-destruct. Let me just say. We are worth every bit of work it takes to create the healthy lifestyle we want. It doesn't matter if that's the foods we eat or the friends we keep. We are fascinating beings, and we are strong. We have been created for better versions of ourselves then we let our hearts dream of, and more often than not should put more effort into ourselves than we are quite often are willing to give.
May you too find ways to love who you are and do the work it takes to become who you want to be.
