I think you all know at this point that I love to watch movies. I, of course, have written about how I enjoy watching horror movies whenever I feel my depression creeping up on me, but this week I want to cover some of my greatest pet peeves when it comes to going to the movie theater. I'm sure that many of you also share in these feelings, and then there are those of you who are actually the root of this rant and therefore are horribly annoying.

I want one of these in my house so I don't have to deal with some of you.

One of the things I have noticed lately is the inability for this generation to get off or turn off their phones. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, so I will admit that at times it is difficult for me to not look at my phone. I mean there are all of these important things to look at on the interwebs, the Facebook, the Snapchats and the Myspace.

We all still use Myspace right?

Forgive me, I am slightly older than some of the other writers on this site.

Anyway, what I always make sure to do is keep my phone in my pocket on silent whenever I am in a movie theater. I do that as a courtesy for the other people who paid money just like I did to watch the flashing pictures go by on the screen for two hours. Is it so hard for some of you to leave that device for a short time? None of you are doctors who are on call, and thus none of you are in such a dire situation that you have to constantly check your phone.

I don't care how cute that cat picture is. I don't care if your friends want to meet up later.

Turn the damn thing off so that we don't all have to be distracted by your screen lighting up in the row below us.

You ma'am, you are the problem.

The next thing I cannot stand is the incessant noise that some people deem necessary to make in the theater. Chiefly among those noises is talking.

Why in god's name do you have to be talking? Again, it is just a couple of hours, at most, of your time to keep your mouth shut.

Is that too much to ask for? You are right, the special effects are interesting. The male supporting character is taking away from the performance of the leads. I doubt any of you are having these kinds of conversations in the movie theater, but usually, what you all are talking about is so mundane and trivial that writing it down here would be a complete and utter waste of my time.

If you want to talk so damn much, then wait for it to come out on whatever streaming service you enjoy most, and talk through the whole thing. My friends all know I like to pause the movie and give some commentary. Some of them even enjoy it (or so they tell me). But movie theaters don't come with pause buttons. So shut up, watch the movie like the rest of us and don't make me go get the usher. I don't want to leave the movie I paid money to see just because you can't be courteous enough to shut your yap shut every once in a while.

This is someone they hired in London to do this. I would love for my theater to do the same.

I like children. I hope to one day have children of my own. But as paradoxical as it may sound, I do not enjoy other people's children. In fact, after my last venture to the movie theater, I am beginning to not enjoy the parents as well.

See, part of being a parent is imbuing your child with a sense of discipline (at least it damn well should be). My parents taught me to not be disruptive in a theater, and therefore I feel it is the responsibility of other parents to do the same.

In the last film I saw, there was a family sitting behind me. Admittedly the daughters were more teenagers than children, but for the entire movie, I could hear whispering behind me. This whispering did not only come from the two teenagers but from the mother as well. I know this because these three did not know how to whisper, and instead were doing that whole stage whisper like they were feeding lines to actors on stage.

I decided to bite my tongue because I did not want to make a scene in the room and because I really wanted to know what all of the talking fish were going to do next.

So if you have, or are going to have children, then please teach them when the proper time to talk is. If they get loud, take them out of the theater. And for the love of god, stop them from kicking my seat. I was kicked in the back of the head four times during that film. Once my temper gets short enough I will start to treat it like assault. I don't believe 911 will take a call for a toddler kicking my seat, though.

I'm not saying children shouldn't be allowed in theaters, but parents, please do a better job of controlling them.

Good lord it would be a nightmare to be in the same theater as all of them.

I enjoy movies. I hope you enjoy them too. They are a great way to spend an evening. Millions of people go to see them and want to have a good experience while they are at a movie theater. So please, do us all a favor.

Get off of your phone.

Stop talking.

Control your children.

Watch the moving pictures and relax. Your friends will be there for you to respond to later. Facebook is not going to shut down in the next two hours. Your children will thank you one day when you have taught them discipline and courtesy.

Then maybe one day they too can rant about how terrible other people are in movie theaters.