No one would get away with saying "Oh my god, you're so loud! You need to shut up," without receiving shocked responses from bystanders. However, for some reason, it's perfectly acceptable to say, "Oh my god, you're so quiet! You really need to talk." It's been explained to me that people are only trying to get to know you and, since you haven't said much, they don't have anything to comment on beside your apparently deviant quiet nature. I understand that, and I don't view people who call me out on my quietness as mean or, by any means, bad people, but years of being indirectly told that I'm wrong for being who I am has given me a considerable chip on my shoulder. Here are some of the comments and reactions that I've heard of and experienced in response to quietness.
1. Every report card stating that you're "a good student who gets along nicely with the rest of the class," but you should "participate more."
So, I'm hard working, I get good grades, I don't cause trouble, but I just need to talk more? I'm doing well! What does talking have to do with anything?!
2. People assuming they can boss you around with no opposition on your part.
"Quiet" is not the same as "Weak."
3. "Do you ever talk?"
No.
4. Being seen as "childlike and immature" or "cold and arrogant" by those who don't know you.
I don't know which is worse: being spoken down to or being unfairly disliked. Either way, people aren't giving you a chance.
5. "She's really nice/sweet/smart/etc. but she's really quiet"
What do you mean "but?" Why does my quietness diminish any of my other qualities?!
6. Random people coming up to you during parties and telling you to talk more.
Thank you, kind stranger, for saving me from myself. I never knew that the person who could give me the best advice would be the drunk guy at the frat who didn't even bother to do the heavy-lifting of getting to know me.
7. Having to listen to people who try to "bring you out of your shell".
I don't care that you used to be shy but "overcame your fears," Madison. You are openly insulting me and I don't want to overcome my personality.
8. Or being singled out in a group for not talking "enough."
You know what's a good way to get someone to talk more? Put them on the spot and make them feel uncomfortable.
9. Or having to watch a character you relate to in a movie gradually turn into a more outgoing person by the end to show their personal growth.
I am irritated to no end by movies, particularly teen movies, not just letting a character stay calm and quiet. Confidence is good. Courage is good. You don't have to be outgoing to achieve those.
10. Trying to understand why "quiet" is viewed so negatively when there isn't really anything inherently bad about it.
I know they're just trying to point out something obvious to spark up a conversation, but it's still offensive, as it's almost never used as a compliment. People are not commending my quietness; they're trying to figure out what's going wrong. Every time someone says, "You're so quiet! You need to talk more," all I here is, "You're so different! You need to change."
