Never have I ever known what it is like not to be a minority. I probably made up a good 20% of the Indian-American population of my high school. Despite being born and raised in America, everyone here calls me an Indian; despite knowing and understanding the Indian language and culture, everyone in India calls me an American. I'm sure that there will never be a day that I will be seen as an American in America or an Indian in India, and that is a fact that I have come to accept. I don't even mind it, actually. I love having this other identity and cultural insight that most others around me don't have; however, sometimes it appears to be the only defining element of my identity. People who meet me don't notice anything beyond the fact that I'm Indian! I get asked questions that would be downright weird if they were asked of anyone else:
1. Where are you from?
Now you may be thinking that there is nothing odd about this question, it's a basic way to get to know another person--but how this question is asked of me is markedly different from how this question is asked of you. You get asked this question and answer with the name of your home town, and then maybe you get asked about what your home town is like. Here is how this conversation goes for me: Where are you from? West Des Moines. But where are you really from? I don't understand this question. Where are you from before West Des Moines? My mother's womb?? Don't let my American clothes and lack of a foreign accent fool you because I am indeed actually born and raised in America.
2. Are you going to have an arranged marriage?
It's one thing if a close friend asks this--even then, it's a little weird--but the amount of times I get asked this within the first 2 minutes of meeting someone is just plain weird. You wouldn't do this to a white person:
Hi, what's your name? Nice to meet you Sarah! So will you be having a traditional church wedding?
Please realize how weird this is. Please stop doing it.
3. Are you going to marry an Indian?
This is the question that immediately follows the details of the type of marriage I plan on having. Even though I am now in my 20s, this is a question that I have been answering since I was in KINDERGARTEN. Why does the color of my skin invoke so much interest in my potential married life? Do you ask every white person you meet if they're going to marry another white person? This is so awkward and weird, especially when there are Indian males standing near by. I'd rather answer the arranged marriage question.
4. Do you only eat Indian food?
*as I sit across from you eating at the college dining center*
Honestly, it's great that you're so interested about weird details of my life, but I don't ask my Italian-American friends if they only eat pasta and pizza. In fact, pasta and pizza is probably more my diet than it is theirs!
5. Do you wish you had lighter skin?
To put this into context, the last time I was asked this was by a pharmacist at the student health center while he was administering my flu shot. If I had asked him if he wished if he were tanner, he would have been offended, and I would seem rude–yet, he thought it was perfectly normal for him to ask me this question.
This list of odd questions is nowhere near comprehensive enough, but hopefully you've gained some insight on the types of things to consider when speaking to minorities. One piece of advise to increase your cultural sensitivity would be to pause and consider if you are about to ask a question that you would find to be weird if it were asked of you. If you are genuinely that curious about Indian culture, Google might be a more appropriate resource.
