From a childhood that mirrors the humble country-bumpkin beginnings of none other than Lord Voldemort himself, to her "Squad" that eerily mimics Professor Slughorn's famous wizard "collection," Taylor Swift is undeniably of the Slytherin household. Here are five pieces of evidence which prove without a shred of doubt that the genre-jumping, Grammy-winning, philanthropist All-American sweetheart is in fact a Slytherin.
1. Tom and Taylor have scarily similar childhoods
Taylor Swift, born of a pureblood family, spent her earliest years in an orphanage, unaware of her magical, songwriting talents... Ok, ok, I'm kidding- we all know Taylor Swift was raised by loving parents and does not have any prejudice tendencies (although she's been wrongfully accused). She grew up on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania and faced bullying in her adolescence. With a financial advisor for a father and a homemaker for a mother, Taylor Swift seemed destined to be your typical All-American girl next door, rising against peer pressure and surviving high school. If it wasn't for her cleverness and cunning, Taylor Swift never would have convinced her parents to move to Nashville when she was 14 years old. Even at a tender age, Taylor Swift knew where to begin on the road to stardom. Like the Dark Lord, Taylor Swift showed signs of greatness early on in her youth.
2. She's ambitious through and through
In high school, she maintained a 4.0 grade average, and completed her final two years of course work in twelve months. As a singer-songwriter and actress, she's won 250 awards from 551 nominations, ranging from Grammys, to Country Music Awards, to BBC Music Awards, to MTV Awards, to Emmys, to Billboard Awards. She holds 5 Guinness World Records. Apple bows at her feet, and she's basically taking over the entertainment industry- all at the ripe old age of 26. An article in Vogue quoted her, "I have this feeling like if I were to open myself up to love, that would be a career weakness." Love comes second to career, every true Slytherin knows that.
3. She pulled a Slughorn
If you made Slughorn's shelf, that meant you were somebody. Slytherins like to surround themselves with great people. In other words, they don't make friendships- they make connections. Taylor Swift's infamous "Squad," consists of It-girls who are making waves in music, movies, fashion, modeling, and feminism, to say the least. They're also all gorgeous, with demeanors and styles eerily similar to Taylor Swift's trademark image. It appears that Taylor Swift is exclusively surrounding herself with people whose traits she admires in order to improve her public image. Its rumored that Taylor Swift actually invites you into her posse, and some celebrities have denied the invitation. Some have even referred to her "squad" as a cult. Death Eaters analogy, anyone?
4. She's a born leader
She cares more about her fandom than any other celebrity, giving away personalized letters and gifts. Her "Swifties" would all gladly die for her, and frequently team up to attack the companies which seek to mock her. Seriously, this woman holds power and relishes in it. And what Slytherin doesn't thirst for power?
5. She's incredibly cunning
Remember that time Kanye West stepped on Taylor Swift's toes (figuratively speaking)? Of course you do, she won't let you forget it. She's used your sympathy to bring you to her side. She painstakingly protects her image so that the world sees her as an innocent, extraordinary feminist. Taylor Swift has mastered the ability to turn something that should be a misfortune into something that benefits her. This trait also plays into the "self-preservation" side of Slytherin (tbh, this is actually really admirable. Shrewd, but admirable).
Bottom line, Taylor Swift's one of the snakes. And all joking aside, I think that's a good thing. Taylor Swift is a prime example of what a Slytherin can become when motivated by the desire for good. So Slytherins, be proud to call Taylor Swift one of your own, and if nothing else be grateful. You'll have her to thank for winning you the House Cup.
