I Am Recovering From Productivity Guilt

Response to “Do You Have Productivity Guilt?”

I did what I could in high school to get good grades and get into a decent college. I was in a few extracurricular activities and not that many honors classes. I was not one of those kids that would bust their butts to do everything to stand out. I was not one of those kids… until I got to college.

In college, I started out trying to find my niche and what I liked, including joining an a cappella group. But I also knew I was there to get an education and get a good job. I was determined to get that great job as a freshman. I would attend professional development groups for my major, I would plan out my class schedule so I could take everything and set myself up for success. And I did just that. After four years, I was the president of two clubs, managed about four different social media accounts for clubs and even in departments around the university, I had managed to get scholarships and have enough internships to keep myself prepared for the “real world”. When I graduated, I had more academic cords around my neck than the average person.

When I graduated, it was during a pandemic. I felt like I couldn’t hold still. I had to get myself out there and keep my skills sharp. After two internships and a part-time job, I managed to land a full-time job, but not without a few freelance gigs on the side. Now that I am at what feels like my dream job, I can’t help but wonder what's next? But then I realized why there has to be a “what’s next?” Why not just sit with it, learn and be proud of what I have accomplished? But I had not done that since high school.

I became so obsessed, if you will, with the idea of hitting all these goals and accomplishing all these things, that I never had time to stop and enjoy what was happening in the moment. The parties, the going out with friends and the college experience I took advantage of. Now, I look back and want some of those moments back.

As an adult, I am learning to listen to my body. I am learning that if I am stressed, I take it easy at home. I read a book, I scroll on social media, or better yet, I do nothing but sit on my couch and watch TV. I have also taken up hobbies since entering the adult world. I go to yoga twice a week (at least) to clear my mind of any stress and move my body and build up strength. I have been practicing consistently for three years now. So while I make my bed in the morning and make sure I find some way to be productive, I also am teaching myself that is okay to not. I believe Megan five years ago would be proud of me.