In light of many recent controversial events and ongoing sensitive social issues, it is likely that you’ll cross paths with plenty of people who do not see eye to eye with you. With topics such as police brutality, mass shootings, terrorism, hate crimes, political stances, etc. we need to get rid of the tendency to be defensive, to prove ourselves right and the opposition wrong, and begin viewing the different perspective as an asset to our own. Here are several tips to facilitating discussion with someone despite passionately supporting opposing views:
First, it is extremely important to admit your own lack of knowledge or lack of full understanding for the issue at hand. Even if you are an expert on a topic, you probably don’t know everything that there is to know about it. By letting the opposing viewpoint know that you do not comprehend the full extent of the issue you are 1. increasing your credibility as a rational and open-minded thinker and 2. inviting the other person to inform you, or point out ideas, rather than attack at your weak points.
In any type of discussion you should always allow others to fully explain their reasoning, even if it sounds absurd to you. Keep in mind, your side may sound just as absurd to them. Pick out ideas that raise questions to you or statements of theirs that you don’t quite understand. Instead of disagreeing in full, pick out something that you do agree with and point to where the disagreement begins. Then it’s easier for them to explain an unclear point in better detail. For instance, “We both agree that there is an issue with T and that something needs to be done; we just disagree about how to go about it… What do you think the benefit of doing X will be over doing Y?” Approaching a disagreement like this will show that you are willing to consider their point of view.
Finally, it is impressive to admit your own fault. Remember that every side of an issue has its flaws. If you find yourself supporting something and a part of it makes you hypocritical in some way, say so. You don’t have to defend being a hypocrite; you can instead say that you realize supporting both A and B is hypocritical and that you can accept your flaw because you feel strongly about both.
So many critical issues become side-tracked by caring about the wrong outcome, usually regarding winning or losing or putting someone in “their place.” It takes cooperation and laying down our own egos in order to communicate effectively between different perspectives and make progress with any issue.
