There’s no denying that we presently live in world of numbers. In today’s culture, numbers are given higher levels of meaning and provide us with useful ways to classify and “make sense” of all the information surrounding us. Our weights, ages, grade point averages, calorie counts, test scores, class rankings, “likes” and followers on social media, among many other things have been assigned a weight in society through numerical value. Now, I’m not saying that numbers are not beneficial nor am I saying that they do not serve an important purpose. But in present society, numbers may easily become too important. What I mean is this: numbers are so prevalent in defining various aspects of ourselves, it becomes harder and harder for one to find an identity outside of that number.

Society has predetermined “standards” for what the ideal “number” for each of these broad numerical categories should be. In a way, by assigning numbers to who we are, we are automatically placed in a hierarchical ranking system. In a society that overuses numbers to define our identity, it makes it only too easy to start comparing our “stats” with those around us. And if our personal numbers do not meet society’s definitions of perfection and success, then these numbers suddenly gain the power to control our self-worth.

Trust me, I know this process all too well because it happened to me. Once I started putting emphasis on a number, I began to fixate on it. Knowing that this number was not close to what our culture deemed as “the ideal” eventually became overwhelming. It was all too tempting to start to devalue who I was because I did not meet this ideal, no matter how hard I worked to do so. Without consciously knowing so, I let who I was slip away. These numbers became who I was When I finally did come close to meeting some of these ideas, I realized something important: I did not feel any better after all that obsession and dedication to my goal. In fact, I felt emptier than ever before, a huge and exhausted void inside me where the light of personality and identity had once stood. That’s when it finally dawned on me: it’s just a number. At the end of the day, the people around you aren’t going to care about numbers. They never have to know them if you don’t want them to. What you can give other people is your unique presence and essence, and that cannot be defined by a single number.

Life is about balance. Numbers are all well and good, but now it is only too easy to let a single number take over your entire life. In the grand scheme of things, what’s the big deal if you just let the numbers slip away? I still observe numbers every day, but I have a new goal in mind: let go of all these superficial values and start developing my own again. It’s a challenging mindset, and it is proving difficult not to fall back into old, unhealthy habits.