When I was little, my dad had a favorite saying for me. He would tell me: “Jordyn, it’s more important to be nice than smart, and it's more important to be smart than pretty.” It was a saying that I could finish, one that he’d tell me whenever I needed to hear it, and one that I still carry with me to this day.

But when I was three, or five, or seven, I never thought too much about it. I figured that everyone knew that it was important to be kind. Was I naive? Not for a little girl under eight years old. I thought the world was a good place, with lots of opportunities. Don’t get me wrong, my parents taught me boundaries: not to talk to strangers, and that the world can hurt; the typical things that every child knows. But I was sure that people wanted to be nice.

As I grew older, I learned this was not the case. Friends talk behind each other’s backs. People fight for good grades. Ten-year old girls become obsessed with the concepts of dating, makeup, hair, and thinking they’re ‘fat.’

For me, it was grade five when I reached the stage of thinking I was not pretty enough, skinny enough, or good enough.

In middle school, I started to think there was a way I 'should' look. Then throughout my early high school years, I shoved the idea about beauty being the least important thing into the back of my mind. To me, it was important to be pretty. I was worried about my appearance. Maybe it was because I struggled with honors math and felt like I wasn't smart. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a friend I could go to for anything at the beginning of high school, or I thought that kindness wouldn't get me anywhere.

This was, and still is, no excuse. My dad worked hard to tell me that kindness is above everything, and that I should try in school more than I should try to improve my appearance. By teaching me this, I knew, even if it was subconsciously, that my life didn’t depend on whether or not I was the stereotypical definition of ‘pretty.’ People may admire someone for how they look, but they won’t remember it. They remember if you were kind or not, if you tried in school or worked hard at something. These are the qualities we look for as we age, not if the person we’re talking to is gorgeous.

For this, especially now, as I’m living away from home and beginning adulthood, I’m grateful.

I think that The Help phrases what my dad taught me well. One of the main characters, Aibee, says to the little girl whose mother she works for that “you is kind, you is smart, [and] you is important." Aibee doesn’t tell this tiny human that she is kind, smart, and drop dead gorgeous, because that’s not what lifts someone up. It’s not what life is about. Importance relies in kindness, and how hard you try to do your best.

Sure, a compliment about your appearance is a nice compliment to get, but it’s not your identity. It's not something you cherish. It fades. If you’re having a bad day, where your hair isn’t working, where your jeans are feeling a little too tight, or where you just can't find the look you're going for, you can still radiate kindness. And then, if you can do that, you can study hard and try your best. No one needs to be defined by how attractive they are.

I’m so thankful for what my dad ingrained into my head from as early on as I can remember. I think it allowed me to have a different perspective on life than some of my peers. Be kind, study hard, and you’ll radiate beauty without having to obsess about it. Don’t focus on your appearance, as so many do (as I did!), and instead, remember what’s truly important in a society obsessed with physical attractiveness: “It’s more important to be nice than smart, and it’s more important to be smart than pretty.”