What is beauty? How is something determined to be beautiful? What about people? What standards do we have that makes something “beautiful?” There really is no one right answer, but with society nowadays telling us how to look a certain way, it seems that it’s the only answer. I’m not saying that’s what everyone thinks, but with what the media is putting in our heads, it seems that they’re telling us that there is only one way to look “beautiful."
Growing up, I was never slim, skinny, nor beautiful. I ate, which led me to gain weight, and I also looked bigger than any of my other family members. I would get compared to my other family members who were “fit, skinny and pretty.” I never was looked at as beautiful in their eyes. I was always told that I had to lose weight to look beautiful, play more sports to be slim, to look like “beautiful." And it started contributing to my self-consciousness and that led to my depression. I would have to deal with consistent criticism about my body and I was scared to speak up. I didn’t have that many family members to help me fix this problem, and if I did, they wouldn’t have listened as much.
I hated my body, I hated the way I looked, I did not want to not look at myself, and I did not feel any positivity for the way I was. I hated myself. And it continued for years; even after leaving for college. I’d come back home for the breaks and be told I looked like I had lost some weight and a few days into me being home, I’d get remarks about gaining weight again. I got tired of hearing this back and forth, but I’d learned that speaking against family was rude. So instead I just kept my mouth shut and, rather than put my feelings out there, I’d keep it in and cry myself to sleep at times. But it was time for me to grow up and speak out for myself.
During my freshman year, I stumbled upon a post on Facebook. It was regarding Asians and weight and how being “beautiful” was not the same for everyone. It was at that moment that I realized I can also speak out. I put my feelings from the previous 10 years in a post regarding me being “beautiful." I put every thought I had into this post, and it seemed like I had been heard. But it never really stopped. I still heard constant remarks; they were meant to be discreet, but they weren’t. I still heard sayings such as, “I’m not going to say anything” or “OK, I won’t say anything," as we ate. It’s as if these comments were still following me around. And, now, I write this with a heavy heart because I know it affected me hard.
It’s 2016 now, and I’m hearing my own sister and cousins commenting on themselves. My sister, who plays volleyball every day, comments on her weight and tells herself that she needs to lose weight. My 10-year-old cousin had been told by her mother that she needs to lose weight. I do not want my younger family members to deal with what I had to deal with. It was hard for me, and I don’t want them to suffer hearing such atrocious words, words that bite them hard in the head and heart. I don’t want them to have to face what I faced because, in this world, no matter what one looks like, beauty is in the heart.
There are so many different ways to show your beauty. Embrace who you are. Do what you love to do. Don’t let anyone stop you by telling you that you have to look a certain way. Beauty is not just about looks, it’s also about the personality, the attitude, the confidence -- it’s about you being you. We continuously tell generations how they need to look.
Why is it that we need to care more about the way we physically look than the way we act? In my case, beauty isn’t supposed to be found on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside. It may sound cheesy, but it really does come down to this. Beauty shouldn’t be looked at from one perspective, but from all perspectives. I’m not skinny, nor am I the “Asian looking” stereotype, I’m beautiful and big and no one’s going to make me think anything different.
