Of course, getting the compliment that I “look pretty” is great. It is very sweet. However, there is something much deeper than this when telling someone that “just their face looks pretty."
Ever since I was a young girl, I have have struggled with weight issues. I have never considered myself a “beautiful” person because of my outer appearance and from what I saw around me. From a young age, I grew up watching “Cinderella” or “Sleeping Beauty,” and they were these slender, beautiful girls. Every movie, magazine and TV show I watched that had dealt with a girl had a thin girl as their main focus.
In “The Little Mermaid," Ursula is portrayed as the calamitous character. She is of larger size in comparison to Ariel wearing shells as a bra with her tail revealing her thin figure. From this, I was taught that it isn’t OK to be the size that I was. I believed I had to be the same size as Ariel, being able to wear a bikini top with a tiny waist. I believed I had to look like Cinderella to be able to find my own “Prince Charming." I was not taught to love myself for how I looked but to love how others look and alter myself to that.
About three years ago I was with my friends, and we were playing this game where we had to compliment each other on one thing about one another. Some people had compliments stating they were “gorgeous” and they had “beautiful eyes." When it came to me, one of the guys with us had to give me a compliment. He looked at me and he stated, “Just your face. It is so pretty." Many of you would say, “That was a sweet compliment, what is wrong with you?” But I took it as a backhanded compliment.
When people call other girls beautiful, they say, “They are so beautiful." This includes every detail about them. When you tell someone that “just their face is pretty," it is basically telling you that there is something wrong with the remainder of your body. I began to over-think everything about myself in that moment. Were my thighs too big? Was my stomach too large? What wasn’t right that I couldn’t consider my entire body beautiful?
I have heard numerous times that if a woman were to lose weight that she would be so much more beautiful. Why can’t a woman be considered beautiful the way that she looks now? Why must their weight be the determinant of if they are susceptible to even being considered beautiful? A beautiful face goes hand in hand with their beautiful body.
We grow up in an age where we believe that skinny equals out to beauty. "If you just lost 20 more pounds, you would be gorgeous," is what they say. To me, beauty lies within. Once you are able to truly love every inch of yourself, that is when beauty shines through. Yes, women have gorgeous faces, but they also have beautiful bodies that go right along with it.
This does not just apply to women of larger size. I have heard so many times that someone has a “pretty face, but not a good body." You hear that they would look much better if they went to the gym a few times a week and began to eat healthier. I do not understand why people have to pick apart every small detail of someone else’s body. How would you know if they are going to the gym every day and are starting to eat healthier? How would you know if they have been struggling with an eating disorder because of the constant negative comments that are surrounding them? Today, if a woman is skinny, it is becoming a negative thing if they aren’t “fit." Once you become skinnier and lose weight, you’re not done yet. Now you have to tone your body and alter yourself more to become socially acceptable. Then, once you gain more muscle weight to tone up your body, negative comments still flow in. You will hear that you have a “manly body” and “too big arms." The constant cycle of negativity surrounding the body is never ending. You will never be good enough for everyone else, but you will be good enough for one person only. Yourself.
Don’t tell me I have a pretty face. Tell me I am beautiful and that everything that has to do with me is beautiful. Compliment my intelligence. Compliment the parts of me that are unique and are unlike any other that I am proud of. Compliment my ability to interact with others efficiently. Compliment my smile when I am genuinely feeling happy. Compliment the way I walk down the street feeling confident in myself by the self-love I have built up on my own. More importantly, compliment my ability to speak my mind and make it known that people are so much more than what is seen to the eye.
Every single body is beautiful, no matter what it looks like. Life is a gift given to each person brought onto this Earth. When someone picks apart every small detail about you and brings down your confidence level, pick apart the positive aspects of your body that you are proud of. You are never going to please everyone, but to please yourself is the greatest achievement. Love your curves, muscles and thin body when no one else can see your true beauty shining through.
