“And even if you don’t have material possessions, pretending like you have your sh*t together is the best way to have your sh*t together until you actually do.” – The Betches
1. Talk about how much you love yoga
“I do yoga. It relieves my stress and anxiety.” - People will literally think you’re an evolved species of human.
2. Leggings. Are. Everything.
Number one lazy girl rule: When in doubt – leggings. They are basically the greatest invention of all time and you will absolutely never regret wearing them.
3. The messy bun – embrace it, love it.
The messier, the better. Love the messy bun and work it.
4. Starbucks
Not basic if you order a black coffee or single expresso - except that it tastes like dog sh*t. Just order your pumpkin spice latte like a basic girl and keep rockin’ your messy bun.
5. Read books in public places – then Instagram it
Since no one you know will actually see you reading.
6. Use a planner
Extra points if you have a brand name planner. You might actually have your sh*t together. Or, you’re just trying to stunt on the peasants with the target brand planners. Either way, you’re giving off the impression that you care about things. #adulting
7. Iron your damn shirt
You look like a piece of sh*t that threw up on another piece of sh*t when your shirt is wrinkled. Just iron your shirt before your boss sends you home for looking like sh*t.
8. Silently nod when someone talks to you about the news
Trump. Hillary. *nod* Now you can talk about the cute puppy video you saw on Facebook this morning.
9. Snapchat yourself in workout clothes
A fierce selfie in gym clothes with the caption of a muscle arm emoji will definitely make people think you’re fit and healthy. So, even if you never set foot in a gym, you can fool people into thinking that you take spinning classes and like cardio.
10. Bad B*tch Alert
Hold your head up high, save your smiles for those who deserve them and let the world know that you’re the HBIC. Attitude is everything when you're faking it.
