The 2016 summer transfer window in the English Premier League is officially shut. That's it, no more. Thankfully, there's a long international break for friendlies and World Cup qualifying matches happening right now, so the entire world can catch its breath and ask, "LMAO did that really happen?"
The answer is yes, yes it did. This transfer window, clubs collectively broke a record, spending over £1 billion on some of the biggest names in the sport. It's inevitable that some clubs did better business than others with such substantial amounts of cash getting splashed around. Let's grade the winners, losers, and pick out some wildcards that had me like...
WINNERS
Manchester United:
Though the Red Devils only signed four new players during this window, they easily made the biggest impact from the field, to the sidelines, to the team shop. Since 2010, only three players selected to FIFA's World XI (an end of year "all-star" selection of the best eleven players by-position in the world) have featured in the Premier League that season: David Luiz (Chelsea and PSG), Angel Di Maria (Real Madrid and Manchester United), and now the swag lord dab daddy himself, Paul Pogba for Man U. Though Zlatan Ibrahimovic is past his prime, he's still as popular and polarizing as there is a player in the world, and has started the season with three goals in three games. And oh yea, Jose Mourinho is the new manager.
Manchester City:
You'll be seeing many more smiles around Manchester this year, both in Red and in Blue. With Pep Guardiola on his way in via Bayern Munich and Barcelona, he brought his completely unique footballing philosophy with him. Clipping some under-performers like Wilfried Bony, Samir Nasri, and Eliaquim Mangala to make way for John Stones, Claudio Bravo, Nolito, and a few others has Man City back in real title contention. With all the new faces around, let's just hope someone remembers Yaya's birthday this year.
Chelsea:
N'Golo Kante.
That's it. When you straight rob the Premier League champions for arguably the best player in the league last season, you win and everyone should bow down to you. Kante is worth Pogba-money for everything he does on the field. New manager Antonio Conte has Chelsea looking like the solid defensive team they were when they won the double two seasons ago, and last minute desperation signings of Marcos Alonso and fan-favorite/most-hated David Luiz will add depth and fresh legs, if nothing else. You can't write stories this good.
LOSERS
Southampton:
For a team that has taken pride in its youth development and transfer market strategies in recent years, this seemed a little disappointing. Southampton currently sit in 15th place after a sixth place finish last season, and lost Mane, Pelle, and Wanyama this window. Time will tell how club-record signing Sofiane Boufal will fare, but it's not looking very hopeful.
Swansea City:
They are losers solely for the fact that Gomis won't be crawling around the entire field after he scores for them anymore like he's in the music video for Thriller. They also lost Ashley Williams and Andre Ayew, and the former Sevilla and Juventus front-man Fernando Llorente is looking like a flop so far.
Sunderland:
Well, they're still Sunderland. So there's that. Big Sam is now England's manager, and David Moyes has picked up right where he left off: Miserable. Moyes was able to grab a trio of Man U youngsters that were there during his tenure as manager at Old Trafford, so all hope shouldn't be lost just yet.
WILDCARDS
Boro:
Boro signed Brad Guzan and Brad Guzan is a perfect angel that we must cherish and protect. They currently sit in sixth in the Premier League table, to great surprise. Alvaro Negredo is back to his best and leading the squad from the front. Also, Brad Guzan is their keeper.
Stoke City:
Stoke is going to have another season where people expect them to be absolute garbage, but they somehow end up in ninth place thanks to a Charlie Adam goal on the last day of the season. Joe Allen is a solid addition, and if Wilfried Bony can find his Swansea-form, things will be very different for the fightin' Peter Crouches. For now, LOLIDK.
Arsenal:
At this point, it's very safe to say that Arsenal will finish top four, and NO ONE will have any logical explanation of how they did it. Granit Xhaka will be the key addition, providing some midfield cover behind all of their fast and frail attacking options. Like many of the big clubs, a lot of Arsenal's rotation players from recent years have been sent out on loan or released, so this could be a big transition year for the club. Warm up those vocal chords, get your Giroud chants ready.
