Whenever something unexpected happens to me, it’s gotten to the point where I’ve conditioned myself to just accept the cards at hand and say it was supposed to happen. I try tell myself that no matter how much confusion, pain, or betrayal its brought me, I know it’s happening for growth.
Someone once told me that we all have a premeditated destiny, yet something deep down tells me that isn’t entirely true. Maybe if we were always alone, then we’d know what direction our ‘premeditated fate’ is headed, when there are no other outside influences, right?
But isn’t that what makes life, life? The souls we meet and let in? Aren’t their vibes, wants, and future plans flirting with ours? Don’t we adjust our lives to fit other beings, simply because we want intertwine ourselves with that person, and vice versa?
Being told that my life is already premeditated, I feel like it sets automatic limits on my soul. How can anyone know for sure, anyway? They don’t. I’ve always wanted to think that every moment, we get to choose our own destiny.
I get so caught up in this whole idea of premeditated fortune. Sometimes I feel like I’ve literally messed with my own fate. I think of all the times I’ve acted out of impulse, and feel like I’ve rewritten my life story on multiple occasions. I’ll beat myself up over past mistakes. I’ll wander into that “what could have been?” section of my mind. I’ll lose faith in myself because I’m lost in my own confusions of what the hell life even is, what’s at the end of it, or if I’m going to achieve the dreams that I actually want.
There’s always this pressure to know where we’re going in life, to have a plan, to always be strong, to become successful. But to me, I don’t think anybody knows where they’re going. They might know where they want to get, but they will never be able to fully decide how they get there, simply because we are all each others consequences.
Basically, no matter how much someone wants to plan their life, it will never ever go the way they wish it to. Little unplanned obstacles will always get in the way, and who says we should be grateful for them? What’s the fun in knowing exactly where you’re headed? Don’t the best stories come from spontaneity?
A reminder to myself: don’t be so scared of the concept of fate. Don’t feel so pressured into making sure you’re on the right path to finding your 'premeditated' destiny, make your own. The universe works in marvelous ways.
We’re supposed to experiment and take missteps in this life, because for all we know it’s the only one any of us will ever have. We don’t always have to be strong; we need weakness to remind us that we are beautifully flawed humans. We get to decide what we achieve in this gift of a life, and fear is the only thing that's stopping us. None of us make it out of this moment alive, so engage in something worth dying for.
