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A Portrait Of Words: Painted By Anxiety

What exactly goes on in your head?

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There are never-ending thoughts that swim through my mind at the most inconvenient of times. These go far beyond worrying about what I want to eat later, or what my friend meant by a statement he or she made the previous day. They are piercing memories of the most random incidents that happened years ago that should have been long lost by this point in life. Remembering almost every event from your childhood can be a blessing and a curse in disguise as you try to move forward mentally and spiritually.

Having the ability to call upon so many memories is a beautiful art that should not be tossed aside. Not everyone is granted the skill and mentality to process information in such a way. Your past is what defines you as a person in the present and should be treated as life’s foundation. Never forget where you came from and who assisted with the fast paced life you personally live.

Unfortunately, the thoughts are a constant burden when they fill your random access memory. I will be taking an exam for a course and my mind will immediately cut away to something I did six years ago at a school function. Clouds have now entered the atmosphere of my brain which is depending on the specific knowledge to pass the exam currently in front of me. Sometimes, I start to panic because questions start to fall from these clouds and drown what little hope there still is on the ground. Why do I do this myself? Is there any way out of these constant variables in my life?

Once I settle down and come back to earth, it appears that at least ten minutes have passed from the current task needing to be completed in front of me. Now, I am personally hindering myself with three different thought process as I rush to work on the present, while a complex deciphering of the past is taking place. Do I simply have an issue with focusing on tasks at hand?

Then I come up with a possible solution once I have a moment to myself. I can become a much stronger, better version of myself because I can vividly see the building blocks (foundation) in front of me. However, this solution only has a very limited pathway that eventually ends. Completely focusing on the past can be detrimental to your present state as opportunities and life events are missed from lack of attention. You can lay your foundation for miles, but you will eventually need to start building upward.

These thoughts do not go away nor have they disappeared willingly. What type of memories cloud your vision from the present? Never let your past bring you down away from the life being lived at this very second. Everyone deals with this issue in their own way whether it be through past, present, or future anxiety. Always strive for the answer and never back down from an opportunity to build upward because it will just give you another thing to worry about.

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