If you are looking to “Make America Great Again,” look no further. Pokémon has done the job, and it has done it in just one week.
Don’t believe me? Keep reading.
The inauguration of the new president of the United States is a little more than six months away, and the country has been split between red and blue as prospective candidates, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, have divided the citizens of the nation, who will now be obligated to vote between a reality TV star with hair made from a corn stalk, and a victim of presidential cheating who needs to sit down with her grandchildren to learn how to use Gmail.
In my opinion, the split between Trump supporters, Hillary supporters (why do we use a last name to refer to one, and a first name to refer to the other?), and the ever-dedicated Bernie fans draw parallels to the Civil War: Trump supporters want white people to rule the world, Hillary supporters scream #BlackLivesMatter, and Bernie supporters jump into the ocean because they can't stand America anymore.
So where is our savior in this election? Isn’t there something that can make the nation come together? Mass shootings, terrorist attacks, and Super Bowl Deflategate allegations all drive the United States further and further apart, but there is one binding power that has finally shown itself to the world—
Pokémon.
Yes, Pokémon. "Pokémon Go" was released in Australia and the USA on July 6, 2016. In less than two weeks, it has been downloaded over 15 million times, meaning that 1 in 25 people (regardless of age) between both countries have downloaded this game.
If you haven’t played it yet, you’re missing out on the greatest country unifier since MLKJ’s “I Have a Dream” speech.
If you’re like me, you’ve probably spent as much time as possible in the last week walking and driving around whatever bits of town you can, at ungodly times of the day and night, searching for Pokémon in the real world. Also, if you’re like me, you now have more friends from these last 11 days than friends that Donald Trump has talked about at his rallies (see “Donald Trump Has a Lot of Friends”).
We have reached a point where we can walk down the street, and immediately (accurately) assume that anyone looking at their phone is playing "Pokémon Go." And since the Pokémon that are in the area are attached to a server, you can start a conversation with them by screaming “DAMMIT ANOTHER PIDGEY.”
Congratulations, you’ve now made a friend that you can take with you to the nearest Pokéstop. If there isn’t already a congregation of 30 people at said stop, you can place a lure there and create the congregation yourself! Thus, you will make 30 new friends, and bond, typically without needing to refer to presidential politics.
“But Eric, there’s plenty of split between Teams Valor, Instinct and Mystic!”
How right you are, voice in my head! But here’s the thing: there are three teams. This means that you can be on Team Mystic (GO BLUE!), and still be on great terms with someone on Team Instinct:
“What team are you on?”
“Blue all the way, you?”
"Oh…I’m yellow…”
“Dude, that stinks. At least it’s not red!”
“Ha! True! Screw red!”
“Dude, true!”
*made-up characters in this dialogue high-five epically*
Look at that, everyone’s happy.
And if you’re on the same team as someone at the same gym as you, you’ve got a friendship already! You can fight the same gym together, making it easier for you both to take over that gym, together!
I haven’t even mentioned how helpful people can be when playing this game. Like I said, if you have your phone out, everyone is going to assume (correctly!) that you are playing Pokémon GO. I was playing the other night, and someone walked up to me and pointed out that there was a Snorlax down the street! My first Snorlax! Yes!
So yes, while there have been some issues with robberies, car crashes and running into people, "Pokémon Go" is probably the most peaceful and unifying aspect of our lives today. Pokémon, not Trump, nor Hillary, nor Bernie, has taken over the country (and the world), and made America great again!
Still not convinced? You’ll just have to download the game and find out for yourself. If nothing else, just know that we appreciate having our childhood fantasies made into reality.
Vote the unifying and revolutionary "Pokémon Go" for president, because it has already done more for our country than Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.
We may or may not agree on politics, but we are indeed unified here by the fact that "Pokémon Go" intrigues us somehow. I'd love to hear what your thoughts are below!
(I posted a video about "Pokémon Go" toYouTube last week, which may offer some help understanding it if you don't know much, or just some of me blurbing along. You can watch it here).
