For as long as I've been in school, making friends was a task for me. All of the best friends I would make would move away within a year, and I ended up never really having a solid friend group that I'd do everything and anything with. I never really fit in with the Indian kids, and the only ones that I did have were my family friends that I knew all my life.
By middle school, I had been slapped with the label of being "white-washed." I didn't think much of it until high school, where the more people I talked to, the more people told me: "You're an Oreo: brown on the outside, white on the inside." I kid you not; it happened a lot more than you would anticipate.
As I got to college, I realized I hadn't changed a bit in this aspect of my life. And while I knew this wasn't necessarily a bad thing (be who you are and do what you want, right?), it was still a shock to me at how many people would approach me with, "Wow! You don't act brown at all," or, "You're not like other brown girls."
A lot of people don't realize how offensive this is. Not only to me but to every Indian out there. You shouldn't categorize us based on how close we are or how in touch we are with our culture. In fact, you don't have the authority to say how Indian I am based on who I hang out with, what clothes I choose to wear, what music I listen to, and the choices I make on a daily basis. That is between me and me.
As an Indian girl, I've always lived in a world where my family, my extended family, my family friends all have high expectations for me. I have a set of standards to meet and a specific status to uphold. It's a weird position to be in because I don't want to disappoint anyone, but the line between doing something I should do versus actually doing something I want to do is always in murky water - usually, it's not what people expect.
When I'm told that I'm not brown enough, it hurts. You are disregarding every cultural event I've been a part of, every religious ceremony I have dedicated my time to, every second I've spent in India trying to learn about my ancestors, my family. You erase my identity.
When I'm told that I'm not a proper Indian girl, it hurts. There shouldn't be a set of rules that dictates what makes me who I am. I am in charge of my own needs and wants (and that includes my culture, as well).
Being marginalized as someone who I'm not is bothersome to me not only because these labels put me in a different light within people of my own culture but also tell me who I am to the point where I believe myself that I've assimilated too much. It's damaging in the sense that I'm OK with who I am, but if other people aren't, should that concern me?
The sad part is I'm not alone. I've met so many people who have been labeled the exact same way and have been generalized to the point where their culture, their successes, and their experiences are erased by that simple phrase. So next time you see a person of color, please don't call them an Oreo. Don't call them a coconut. Don't call them white-washed. Don't label them into a category that really shouldn't exist.
My life is not reflected by how "white" I am on the inside; my ethnicity should never be so conveniently easy to erase for you. I come from generations of incredible people, I have amazing friends, and the decisions I make regarding my own life should never be yours to judge. They're mine to judge and they will always be mine to judge.
