Plan For The Future, Live In The Present

This stage of life that I'm currently in I like to call ___ percent adult. In case you were wondering I'm 20 years old and some days I feel like I'm 12 and others I think I'm wise beyond my years. It's this awkward, in-between phase where I feel like I'm ready to take on the world one minute, and then in the same day, I'm calling my mom five times because well, I still need mom's help.

In other words, I'm 75% adult one day and 13% adult another day, all in the same week. And it's a whirlwind, to say the least. I'm the average 20-year-old girl. I have peers that I graduated high school with that are married with kids, others who are bopping around the world in the military, some who are drunk college students, and others like myself who are somewhere in the middle of having their life planned out/still trying to figure it out.

I'm a planner. Always have been and always will be because it keeps me from getting anxious and gives me goals to hold myself accountable for. This can be a positive and negative characteristic all at once but I've quit trying to control it. I can plan for the plan, but cannot force the plan. This is a concept that I still struggle with. Being half an adult makes me excited about my future and wanting to plan every step of the way. While its good to have goals. I also find myself beating myself up if my plan does not go exactly according to plan.

Life changes. And you can't control it. A friend told me that last week and although the sentence is short, and should be implied, it wasn't something I really took into consideration. The beauty of this in-between adult/child stage in life is the uncertainty of it all. Every day is a new surprise, lesson, and memory.

This chapter of being a college student is a time period I will never get back. Sure it's confusing some days when my mind wants to plan my life out 40 years into the future when I should really be focusing on just trying to pass my math test next week. I worry about the unknowns because I want to have all the answers, and I feel planning gives me those answers. But that's not realistic, and I'm willing to bet my future self that I will miss these days at some point and would do anything to go back.

For the time being, I want to enjoy what I have left of my college career and live in the moment, not live planning for the future.

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