I was on my bedroom floor crying. Crying harder than I ever before thought to be possible. My mom came in and she held me. No words were really spoken. I thought that I was broken. I had felt pain before, but it was nothing like this.
The end of 2016 sucked. It wasn’t just one thing that seemed to be trying to tear me down and rip me to pieces. The hurricane force storms that came my way one hit after the other after the other. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter the details of it all. That’s not what this is about. This isn’t for the people, situations, or moments that hurt me. Instead, this is for you.
Whoever is reading. I want you to know that you got this, girl (or boy). This is for my incredible group of empowering women that I get to call my friends. This is for my friend that is hurting like I was. This for my dad that drove two hours to pick me up off the floor. This is for my mom who made me eat when pain seemed to be taking the place of food. This is for the one that always answers my 2am phone calls. This is for so many of you because you were right when I didn’t believe: I am strong. Strength doesn’t always come in a Hulk-like package. Strength is getting back up after the world throws you down to the ground. And when you get up, you refuse to see life as an awful thing. You continue to see life as a series of opportunities.
What happens when life throws your face into the sidewalk, though? What happens when humanity has shook you to the core and waking up in the morning seems like the biggest trial that you could ever face? Healing isn’t instant. You pick up the pieces and you put them back together. Don’t tuck them away in a corner to collect dust. Confront your broken self. This might mean crying or feeling a level of anger that you have never, ever felt before. That’s pretty scary, I know; feel it anyway. These emotions were hand delivered to you by someone else, though. These are not your own. You will not become these things.
You’re human, and part of being human means hurting. This hurt is an opportunity to grow. Out of the crack in your sidewalk will grow a flower so beautiful you never thought it to be possible, but it is. True strength isn’t running away before something hurts you. True strength is loving something with all that you have. It is giving, giving, giving, and giving more when you thought there was nothing left. Do not regret that. Hold your head up. Be proud of the fire that you have fought through. It is okay to walk away from things that no longer serve you. Some people’s intentions are not genuine and you will learn that. There are those out there that are experts at concealing their true intentions. That’s their problem, not yours. Be gentle with yourself.
Listen, there is an entire world of incredible humans and moments out there for you. Trust me, I’ve found them. These heart wrenching experiences do not have to harden you. Build new friendships, love, trust, and live. You do not deserve to have those things stolen from you. After all that you have been through, you’ll see a little clearer. You’ll recognize deception a little sooner. And yes, life will smack you pretty hard in the face again, again, and again. It’s okay, though. You’re a warrior. You’ll get up a little quicker and learn a little more each time. You have an entire lifetime of love and laughter ahead of you. There’s something real inside of you. That’s why you hurt, but that’s also why you laugh. Laughter will always, always outweigh the pain.
