Something By Isabel Garcia
Life Stages


There's no better descriptor than the word "something."


Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. Not the faintest idea at all. I think writing is like sometimes. Or all the time really.

This is the first time I've actually sat down and written something, like an actual something, in a long time.

I remember when I was younger, I'd rush home after school and scurry upstairs to get my hands on the computer (an old desktop by the way, imagine that). I'd write for a good hour or two. I loved the way the keyboard felt on my fingertips. There's something incredibly soothing about typing. I always thought so. The sound of fingernails clicking across my grandma's wood floor downstairs. Nothing beats it. Except maybe high heels on that floor, but that's different.

Writing is something.

I used to be obsessed with getting the perfect words, the perfect phrase to capture this insane vision in my head. The ultimate romantic declaration of love between the two characters I had been envisioning in my head for days. The perfect scene that encapsulates the novel and fills everyone with a sense of perfect poignancy I've experienced from so many books throughout my life.

I haven't written in years.

I mean I've written essays and these campy little articles and scholarships and letters. But I haven't written that something like I described earlier in a long time. I didn't even have a vision when I started writing this. What a concept.

I was on the verge of tears because I've been going through the roughest patch of my life since the first time in sixth grade, but I suddenly had the urge to write. Intrusive thoughts invaded my head prompting me to revisit characters and story lines I've held onto through the years. Maybe chug out a little scene for them. But I'm not. Or maybe I am?

I miss those guys. Those funny, fleshed out, intriguing little guys. I have their whole stories planned out in my head. I can still imagine the front covers of their stories I want to publish someday. That's when I was younger. But it's still me.

Oh yeah, I had a poignant point I wanted to make earlier about the whole rough patch in life thing. I was contemplating this horrid decision I have to make and for some reason the familiar fantasy about me being an award-winning author rushed back to my head. I hadn't thought about that one in a while.

Then I got in bed as one does, and the feeling came over. The feeling to write. The feeling that all writers get when the life of words courses through them. I think Maya Angelou once said it's a very painful thing to have a story that begs to be told inside of you. It's that feeling.

I don't like that I said, "life of words." That's cheesy.

See it's that manufactured pressure I don't like that's kept me from writing. Well and the lack of this feeling. The lack of this feeling is what I'd call "writer's block." And every great author, English teacher, and WikiHow advice article will tell you that you shouldn't rely on "the feeling" and get writing. But when that feeling comes the magic happens. Writing is a process.

Oh yeah, the poignant thing I was trying to say. When I got that feeling, I was reminded of the ocean. How it calms you whenever you go to the beach and see it. Well if you're me it does. Writing is another way I go to the ocean.

I've been dealing with a lot and it's hard to remember who I am and what's real and what's not, but I know this is. I don't want to stop writing this even though the close feels natural. Writing is like coming home.

I feel like my most authentic self when I write. And writing essays is great and challenging and it teaches me a lot but its not my something. Writing like this with that feeling that's my something. And maybe one day I'll harness that, and I won't need the feeling to write and I can become the next J.K. Rowling in this dying age of print and literacy, but I haven't yet.

So, when I get this feeling, I say thank you. Because I know that "me" is still in there. That true, authentic beautiful feeling I've been so disconnected with. It's still there.

I'm still there.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Taylar Banks

May 25, 2020: the day that will forever be remembered as the day George Floyd lost his life at the hands of cops.

The day that systematic racism again reared its head at full force in 2020.

Keep Reading... Show less

The worlds of beauty and fashion often collide, whether for good or bad. In both, underrepresentation has always been, and remains to be, a major unresolved issue. After the recent killing of George Floyd, many people are rightfully enraged, compounded by the fact his death in police custody wasn't an isolated incident.

Police brutality against Black people is not new, and isn't going away till we start dedicating resources to fighting it. Many of us, as individuals, have only begun in the last week scratching the surface of what it means to educate ourselves on race, historical race relations, and how to be an ally to the Black community.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Feel A Lil' Better: Because You Can Still Connect While Disconnecting From Social Media

Your weekly wellness boost from Odyssey.

No matter how good (or bad) you'd describe your health, one thing is for sure: a little boost is ALWAYS a good idea. Whether that's reading a new, motivating book, or listening to a song that speaks to your soul, there are plenty of resources to help your health thrive on any given day.

I don't know if you've heard, but there's a lot going on right now, particularly in relation to George Floyd's death, Black Lives Matter, and public protest of racial injustice in the United States. While we can all agree that this deserves conversations, change, and actionable good, social media arguments with Great Aunt Linda are not where social change begins and ends. Spending too much time scrolling through your phone has never been healthy, but now it's even more addicting — what does that one person from my hometown say about this? How can I further education within discussions? Am I posting enough?

Keep Reading... Show less

I don't know about you, but reading is at the top of my to-do list this summer... especially with all the social distancing I'll still be doing. If, like me, you're hoping to pick up a romantic page-turner (or a couple dozen), here are 23 romance novels by Black authors you'll absolutely LOVE reading.

Keep Reading... Show less

22 Black-Owned Etsy Shops With The Perfect Gifts For Everyone In Your Life — Including You

Treat yourself and your loved ones while supporting Black creatives and artisans.

R-KI-TEKT, Pontie Wax, Lovely Earthlings, and blade + bloom on Etsy

The world is taking action against the injustices and under-representation plaguing Black lives, and one small but impactful thing you can do to actively make a difference is support Black-owned businesses.

Etsy is likely one of your go-to sites for gift-buying, but have you ever paid attention to which independent artists and sellers you're buying from?

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

True Self-Care Is HARD, That Face Mask Isn't Actually Going To Solve Your Problems

There's a line between self-care and self-destruction.

Anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past few years has seen something somewhere about self-care whether it was on Facebook, Twitter, or their Instagram feed. Oftentimes it's pictures of celebrities or influencers sipping green smoothies or slathering on mud masks with #selfcare. It's posts like these that made me realize that "self-care" has become the ultimate buzz word, soaring in popularity but in the process, it's lost most of its original meaning. It's time to set the record straight and reclaim the term.

Although self-care has been around for quite some time, within the past few years it's been misconstrued and commodified as our capitalist society tends to do with things it thinks can be profited off. Self-care is now being peddled as something that can be bought and sold on the shelf at Target rather than something that takes real work to achieve. This fake self-care movement is not only enabling people to over-indulge themselves, but it has created a crutch for people to avoid the responsibility of taking true care of themselves. Instead of doing the work that needs to be done, many people fall into the trap of rewarding themselves for doing nothing at all — this can quickly become an unhealthy coping mechanism, especially with corporations cheering us on (to buy their next product). Long, hard day at work? Just grab your third iced coffee of the day! Fight with your SO? Buy that 50-dollar face mask, it'll make you feel better! This is how self-care becomes self-sabotage and self-destructive.

Keep Reading... Show less

Minorities are consistently under-represented in our day-to-day lives, notably in the world of fashion. It's likely you're looking for a way to support black artists. Whether that's the case or you're just a fashion-lover in general, these brands aren't just some of the best black-owned fashion brands — they're some of the most innovative brands of our time, period.

From luxury staples to fun accessories and loungewear, these brands aren't just stunning names you should definitely be following on Instagram, each honors the founder's roots in unique ways with the power of storytelling through artistic expression that manifests in pieces we can't wait to wear.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Home Items You Need For Stress Relief, On The Days You 'Literally Cannot'

Fill your home with peaceful, calming coping mechanisms.

I'd like to think that 2020 is teaching us a lot. Or will teach us a lot. Or will be a story we tell at parties one day. Ultimately, this year has been — and is probably going to continue to be — a bit of a mess.

At the beginning of the year, Australia was on fire and we mourned the death of Kobe Bryant. Then, coronavirus (COVID-19) took our spring and shut us in our homes, inciting panic over public health and sparking political upheaval at every decision made by local and federal officials alike. Now, a week after George Floyd's death at the hands of Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin, a nationwide conversation is reignited with protests regarding racial injustice in the United States. There is an enormous amount of tension, hurt, and change that is upon the American people.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments