You probably won't think this is about you. Even though it is, you won't think so. You've dug yourself in this pretend hole so deep, you actually believe it yourself. Compulsive lying, you know. I see you parade around your anxiety like it was a gift given to you. You use it as an excuse to not work as hard as you're required to. You use it to gain pity from those around you.
While you're using it to get by in life easier, those who genuinely suffer with this illness are constantly working to conquer it. Every minute of every day is a fight. But they still continue to do so, because they want a life without anxiety. They want to have a future, they want to follow their dreams, and they don't want anxiety to have anything to do with it. Anxiety causes so much distress and pain, why would anyone want that to linger into the future?
Where as you, you use it in every conversation. You constantly try to make your life seem worse than the person you are talking to.
While I was angry at first, I am no longer. I feel sorry for you. Even though that's what you want, I'm not giving it to you for the reason you're hoping. You're going to constantly use this excuse as a crutch. It's worked for you before so you continue to use it. You believe it will get you by, and get you a ticket into a career in the future. Therefore, you're not putting forth the effort you should while you have the opportunity to, thus allowing you chances to slip through your fingers. One day, you're going to realize that your opportunities to learn and to thrive are gone, and you cannot find an exciting career with mediocre skills and an "anxiety disorder". And for that, I'm sorry. I hope you soon have a wake-up call that puts an end to this written path you've created.
I don't think you realize you're doing this, at least I hope not. You see, those with anxiety don't want it. They don't gloat about having it. Yes, it's wonderful to accept your disorder, but the catch here is, once you accept it, you must work above it. Otherwise, you've accepted to wallow in self-pity and to become your illness. As the Ancient One (Doctor Strange) says, "We never lose our demons, we only learn to live above them." Which is what so many people are desperately attempting to learn. And to use it as an excuse to simply not work as hard, well you're doing the opposite of what someone with severe anxiety would do. They would work above every anxious feeling they had, no matter the difficulty. They would swallow their tears that are forming because of pure nervousness, and thrive to do the absolute best they can, and they will always do this. Therefore, always improve.
One day, they're going to realize that, since they seized every opportunity and worked above their anxiety, they made it. They are where they want to be. And you will not be.
