For me, it started when I was a middle schooler. I don't fully understand where it started from. But the thought that slowly pulls away confidence began "I am not enough," which contrary to popular belief means the same thing as "I need to be more," "I need to do more," or "There must be something else to be the best." These thoughts haunted me for years – there are still times where I feel these thoughts come creeping back into my thoughts.

It's been:

"How can I be prettier?"

"How can I make him stay?"

"How can I get better grades?"

"How can I become more popular?"

"How can I drop time on my PR in the 800?"

"How can I get more likes on my Instagram?"

"How can I be more involved than I already am?"

"What more can I do?"

These thoughts were often. These thoughts control how/what I did. These thoughts were what was determining the person I was becoming. According to these thoughts, I was never going to be "enough."

My senior year of high school, one of my college friends came home for the weekend, and she invited me to go to church with her. I grew up in the church, but I hadn't been to a church since I started high school. I wanted to see her, so I said yes.

At this time during my senior year, I felt like my life was falling apart. Each and every thought of not being enough had been amplified as many of the relationships I had with friends were seemingly exploded, I was hurting because my very own expectation of myself was that I was not enough. And I ruined friendships over it.

That day that I went to church, I actually heard the story about who Jesus was for the first time in my entire life. Don't get me wrong, I went to Sunday school every week as a child, but there is a difference between coloring book pages that talk about the Gospel and truly hearing the Gospel for the first time.

That day was when I started to have a relationship with Jesus. And that was the day Jesus started showing me that I was more than enough. As I began to actually read the stories I heard as a child, as I began to understand what the Bible actually said, I learned what grace was and I learned what love actually is.

I realized in all of my thoughts of not being enough, Jesus looked at me as if I was high up in a sycamore tree or as if I was by a well unable to get in or as if I am standing fearing to be stoned. He looked at me and called my name. He looked at me and said: "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." He looked at me and as He sends those with stones away.

Today, I am learning more that I still battle the thoughts of not being enough for those in leadership roles above me, for guys I pine after, for friends I cherish, and for a God who tells me the opposite.

The idea of not being enough is a rabbit hole. And my sweet friend, Jesus, has slowly been pulling me out. And if you have an inkling that you are not enough, I dare you, type into Google any of the following and just read one of these stories – I am not asking you to convert your entire life, I am just asking you to read each of these stories:

Jesus and Zacchaeus

Jesus and the man by the well

Jesus and woman caught in adultery

Each of these stories is about Jesus and another person. Each of these stories has shown me something: Jesus loves deeply. Jesus's love does not cease. Jesus's love is a place to find your worth. These are just three stories. There are much more that can show you how deep Jesus's love and how He is calling for you to feel it.