Transferring schools may sound like the best, or the worst thing in the world.
Freshman year I started the year off at Lander University, I thought I had it all. I had the "perfect friends," "perfect school," "perfect boyfriend," "perfect classes," "perfect family," "perfect room/ dorm," "everything I've ever wanted" "perfect SUV".
I put all of those things in quotes, because they are things that seem like everything to someone. Even though it seemed like I had it all, I was far from it. I am a perfectionist. Quickly Lander was flying by, I was in the middle of Rush for sororities when it all happened. What one would ask? Something to this day I still can't explain.
One night, I was drowning, but I wasn't in any sort of water. I was alone, vulnerable and afraid. Afraid of losing everything that I have ever wanted, everything that I had. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving Lander. Not even my best friend. One would ask why did I do that, but the answer is because I couldn't.
I fell into such a rapid deep depressive episode that I wasn't myself. I was no one. I felt like a failure after leaving Lander. I didn't know what to do with myself because I've always been the one to take care of myself and everyone around me. I was wrong, and this was my time to learn that it is okay to depend on others.
It took until the first week of November that I realized that I wasn't a perfectionist, or a failure. I was me, starting over.
That day, 7th day of November 2015 I applied to Columbia College. I can honestly say it is the best decision I have ever made. It has been a long hard struggle dealing with my severe depression and anxiety, but it has been so worth it.
I am now a Student Alumna Ambassador, Elite Ambassador (C'Ster), RA, Volleyball Manager, a part of the Odyssey, a part of Model United Nations. I now realize, even though I still have all of those things I defined as "perfection", there is a whole world out there, and I don't need to be trapped in my own head to live it.
Living through a severe depressive episode is like feeling like you're drowning, but while you're drowning you can see everyone else breathing and living their lives. I needed to accept that I needed help, and a lot of it. I just want to thank my family, doctors, boyfriend, and friends for believing in my journey in the making. Here is to the start of my posts of the Odyssey, yet another great opportunity that has come my way at Columbia College. I am not a Perfectionist or a Failure, I am me, that is enough, I am enough.
