We all want to be perfect; how likely that is to happen is zero percent of the time. Some of us know this, yet we still push ourselves to reach that illusory concept even if it takes us to the most extremes.
Perfectionism isn’t talked about much, or at least as much as it should. We all come to believe that perfectionism is a phase that all of us go through until finally we stumble upon a rock in the middle of the road that throws us off-course and shows us that we are not perfect.
That would be ideal. However, perfectionism (if ingrained in you from a young age) doesn’t just leave when you’re done with high school. It’s not a part of your development that abruptly dies off once you graduate high school and all that excess stress of finding yourself seems to go away. For many of us, we continue to display perfectionism in college, just in more subtle ways than before.
In high school, seeing someone take on 3-5 extracurricular activities while managing to stay on top with their studies was just way too much for an adolescent to think of as normal. If we saw a person with a planner and notes that were color coded, we would immediately think something was off with that person. If we noticed a group member trying to take control of the project that we all needed to contribute to, we would wonder why that person was acting that way. Eventually, that person would be considered a perfectionist—this term would receive negative connotation for much of that individual’s four years in high school.
Fast forward a few years since beginning high school, and now this individual finds himself or herself in college, where the opportunities to become involved are endless. This is a time when people truly become acquainted with what they like and with who they are as individuals. We attempt to make ourselves stand out. We try our best to connect with like-minded individuals, in hopes that we’ll be able to foster long-term friendships. Even with having our own close-knit group of people, we still try to venture out and meet others who come from various backgrounds, differing from our own.
In college, we come to see this bounty of knowledge, opportunity, and freedom. We are finally free from any negative attributions given to us in high school. It’s the start of a new year, the start of a new life to come.
But, let’s get back to the perfectionist. Although this individual has removed himself from the setting that gave him the title of the perfectionist, he has forgotten one key thing about perfectionism: perfectionism begins with the individual. Perfectionism grows from within and continues to develop even after leaving high school.
The difference in college becomes that not that many people seem to notice—or mind—that you are a perfectionist. On the contrary, if you are excelling in your academics and are still able to be a part of 3-5 extracurricular activities, you are deemed by others as a remarkable human being. People look at you with so much admiration. They go to you for help. You become one of the leaders on campus.
Surely, this would seem to many as something to aspire for. Even to perfectionists, having people not mind you taking the lead in a group project seems enjoyable for some time. However, then reality strikes.
Perfectionism has certainly never left your being. It has only evolved and adapted to a different setting. You realize that those self-doubts, the self-guilt, and self-criticism that you put yourself through in high school every time you did something that was “not good enough” to your standards hasn’t actually left. It’s still there. You managed to leave high school, but you never managed to leave the negative thought processes that pushed you into becoming hyper-focused on your studies, your relationships, your work, or all of the above.
Unfortunately, perfectionism will never leave you if you continue to believe that you are doing things the right way. There’s the added notion of, “if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.” Sadly, that’s the kind of mentality that will make many of us continue to go through the cycle of negativity until finally we decide to seek help.
Thankfully, by becoming proactive about the negative way in which you think, and, thus, seeking to reshape those thoughts with more realistic and manageable ideas, you will be able to reduce the pressure and stress that has carried on from having grown up as a perfectionist.
