I'm not awesome at anything. I'm mediocre. I can do stuff, sure, but it's not legendary. It's colorless and ordinary. I write from time to time. I have cheered since I was four years old. I play more instruments than I need to, but, for whatever reason, I still feel average.
Average.
I can't stand that word. I don't want to be just average. In school, I need straight A's because a C is average, and a B is too close to average. In cheer, I can't be a leader because I'm too quiet and insecure, but I have leadership skills.
Skills.
When I was younger, about 11 or 12, I was given two trophies for cheer. All of the girls got two. We all got the first one as a participation trophy (which, to be quite frank, I could not stand). The second one was from our main coach. She had walked out of practice about a month before the end of the season because of how ridiculous the parks system was. However, the next time we saw her she was walking into our banquet with a box full of trophies that she had paid for with her own money. She started handing them out hastily because the other coaches didn't want her there. I couldn't understand why, being she was my favorite coach. Anyway, the trophies were personalized. Each girl had her best tribute written on it. One girl got best jumps as she hopped up and down smiling at her parents. Another got most spirited, as she was the loudest. I, however, received most versatile.
Versatile.
I didn't know what that meant at the time, so I asked my parents. They were smiling so I knew versatile had to have been a good thing. My mother had said that it meant I was good at a lot of things. My father said it meant I could be put wherever coach needed to put me. My older brother said it meant I was adaptable. In response, I asked if that meant I could be whatever I wanted to be, whenever I wanted to be it. Of course, my brother said, "Yeah, what do you want to be?"
What do you want to be?
The truth is I don't know, and while that is OK, it's also terrifying and intimidating. I do everything. I want to do everything. The thing is, in this era, this time period, I can be anything. I can go to college. I can pursue a specific calling and run with it. But what if I get bored? What if I want to squish together everything I do and make one big great concept of something useful. I want to have the greatest and most useful. I am a maximizer.
Maximizer.
When I choose a thing I want the choice to be the best, the most beneficial. While this may get me the best and highest quality, it does not make me the happiest. I wish I didn't push to be the top. I wish I were OK with staying at that B instead of an A. I wish I didn't overthink so much to the point where I'm so stressed that I cry in frustration. I am a maximizer wishing I were a satisfier.
Satisfier.
I don't want to have to strive to find the best. I wish I could be satisfied with good enough. Maximizer vs Satisfier. For example, if a maximizer and a satisfier are looking for a word that means something similar to benefit, the satisfier would generally pick a word on the first page of the thesaurus or whatever tool may be in use. However, the maximizer would go through every page of every tool. While the maximizer would get the more perfect word, the satisfier would be happier with the end result.
End result.
As a whole, we have been programmed to think we have one talent. One great aspect about us defines us. The problem is, I find great hobbies. I fall in love with them. I drown myself in them. I indulge in learning everything about it, only then I start to get bored. Then I decide since I got bored that it wasn't the perfect talent. I am a maximizer. I am to find the perfect talent. When I find the perfect talent, I need to be perfect at it. I am to be perfect.
Perfect.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I never will be. While it's OK to strive to be perfect, it's dangerous to need to be perfect. Sometimes, OK is good enough.
Good enough.
I know I should be OK with being average, and even though I'm not maybe sometimes that's okay. I may not have one true calling or one talent that I am superb at, but I am versatile. Maybe just being versatile is what rids me of being average.
Average.
Average. Simply average.
