I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school K-12. I’m so Catholic that when I hear someone say “May the Force be with you” my instinct is to say “And also with you.” So, I’d like to think I know what being a Catholic is really like, which makes me laugh when I hear people say the things on this list.
1.“Oh, you’re Catholic? So, I guess you go to church a lot…”
I know a lot of people who go to Mass on just Christmas and Easter. I also know a lot of people who never miss a Sunday. In my case, yes, I do go to mass a lot, I also went to 13 years of Catholic school. Not trying to brag or anything, but my family has a designated pew at church. Just sayin’.
2.“Do you know the Pope?”
Why yes, yes I do. Just because I’m Catholic, Francis and I are on a first name basis. I’ll introduce you sometime.
3. “I heard Catholics don’t read the Bible.”
My sophomore year, I had a religion teacher who made us use color pencils to highlight the entire Bible. Yes, we read the Bible, in colored pencil and all.
4. "Have you seen a nun before?”
Yes, I’ve seen a lot of nuns before, my high school principal was a sister, and no, none of them have ever slapped me with a ruler. Some nuns are actually really cool and nice. My elementary principal was a sister and she liked to play basketball and always had the newest iPhone. She’s probably cooler than me.
5. “Don’t Catholics worship Mary or something?”
We think Mary is super cool because she’s the mother of Jesus. I mean, shouldn’t that get some significant respect? But no, we don’t worship her.
6.“I heard you guys drink blood.”
I 'vant to suck your blood… just kidding. No we don’t, we have wine at Mass and believe it turns into the blood of Christ through transubstantiation, but no we don’t drink blood or do sacrifices or any other weird thing you’re about to say.
7. “Why do you guys worship statues?”
Umm.. we don’t? Yes, Catholic churches have a lot of statues, but we don’t worship them. They make our churches look so pretty.
8. “Sorry,” when someone cusses in front of me.
You do know I’m a normal person, right? I’ve heard that word before. Just because I go to church and have a set faith doesn’t mean I’ve magically avoided hearing that word in my whole lifetime. But on second thought, I’m reporting you to the Catholic police.
9.“Do Catholic’s drink?”
Oh, do they. Let’s just say that my hometown priest’s profile picture is of him holding a drink. There are also jokes about how priests always have a corkscrew handy. So yeah, they drink.
10. “Don’t Catholics think that everyone is going to hell?”
Uh, where are you getting your information? No, we don’t believe everyone is going to hell. We believe you should be the best person you can be and repent your sins. I’m not going to judge you or condemn you. Just be cool. But seriously, you should do some research.
