Sometimes I wonder why people want relationships. And that’s not an inquiry asked out of judgment, because I am one of those people. Why do we seek out relationships in college of all times… college! The supposed peak of excitement in an otherwise mundane, obligation filled life. This is the time to be care-free, and try new things. This is the time to form memories that we both cherish and regret. For fear of generalizing, I guess I’ll say that a lot of women want to spend that adventurous time with the same person by their side.
My theory is that stability is extremely enticing. By stability, I mean having a person to text when you get your grade back on the test you’ve been losing sleep over. A person you know will go on Q’Doba runs with you, even though you both have way too much homework to do. The individual that you wish you could hug tightly when life faces you with an obstacle, because those hugs have come to the rescue so many times before.
An overarching theme in the activities listed above, is that they are also present in close friendships. Because isn’t that what a relationship should be? Two best friends that make each others’ life better by just being there. There’s comfort in consistency. The boy doesn’t have to pay for every meal the two of us eat together. (We are strong independent women, am I right? But still hold the doors for us, because that’s just thoughtful) They don’t have to shower us with a dozen roses or call us nauseating names like “honey” or “babe” or “sugar” (I’m not fully apprised with the lingo these days). They just have to be there.
Being in a relationship should be a constant support system, that adds a sense of normalcy to an otherwise chaotic time in our young-adult lives. What will I major in? Where will I study abroad? What will I do after graduation? There are so many variables at this point in life, it sounds nice to have a constant- at least for a little while.
Of course, there are drawbacks to relying on stability. I think we’ve all fallen into that trap. Something gets so normal, so routine that it’s easier just to stay in it, knowing that it isn’t what’s right. Stability and comfort are dangerous things when relied upon too heavily. And it can feel terrifying to move forward after falling too deeply into the same routine.
Healthy stability through support and love is what I hope to someday find. Not love for the sake of love, or stability for the sake of stability. And I think, like with everything, it takes time.
Which I agree, is so annoying. But from what I’m told -- it’s worth it.
