No

[noh]

(Adverb)

Definition: A negative used to express consent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request.

It is arguably one of the easiest words to learn and speak in the English language but for some it might seem like the hardest. Why can’t I say “no”? It’s the unanswerable question that many of us ask ourselves every day.

I am a people pleaser. I say “yes” to every task, every service and every favor, even when I’m way in over my head. I do it because I’m afraid of the reaction that is often associated with uttering the word "no". I’m afraid of the look and the feeling of not being needed or not being able to lend a helping hand. In one sense, I feel like I have to always be performing helpful acts for others in order to gain acceptance. I have a constant desire to make everyone around me happy and while my mind and body scream, “say no” my mouth says “yes.” Saying “yes” has turned into an involuntary addiction for me. I don’t want to say it, but I just do. I constantly walk around with a smile, more counterfeit than a one hundred dollar bill that’s been printed from a copy machine.

Saying yes to everything gets quite exhausting. I’ve realized that I am pretty amazing at being patient and that no one says “I don’t mind” or “It’s no big deal” in a nicer tone than I do. People pleasers are very easy to manipulate and they will come to find that certain individuals in their lives will take advantage of this element about them.

From one people pleaser to another, I have a few suggestions on how to help break free from your people-pleasing curse and become a happier version of yourself.

• Stop saying yes.
• Stop agreeing with everything and everyone just because you're afraid you will make someone upset.
• Stop being a pushover, that’s not you.
• Be more protective of your time and your happiness.
• It is not your job to be stressed and miserable so that others can be happy and relaxed.
• “No’’ is considered a complete sentence. It does not require an explanation or any further justification. “No” suffices!

Last but not least…

For anyone who can’t handle this, point to the exit sign that hangs brightly over the door of your life and boot them out. If you’re a people pleaser, I commend you for all your hard work and your good will. You’re a giver, a helper and an overall great person. Just remember, it is impossible to make everyone happy.