My Partner Is Not My Support System
Relationships

Your Partner Cannot, And Should Not, Be Your Sole Supporter

A tree has more than one root, and so should you.

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Kassy Mendoza

We have all heard these phrases used when someone is speaking highly of their partner:

"He is my rock."

"They are always there for me no matter what."

"She keeps me sane."

Now, I am not here to say that those are bad things. Being supportive and empathetic are great qualities to have in a partner and quite integral to the success of most relationships.

What I am here to say is your partner should not be the only person that those statements apply to in your life.

I have seen so many of my friends get frustrated that the people they aren't enough to get them through a tough time. They complain that they don't say the right things, that they don't offer enough support, or are not attentive enough. They think that because they still feel the need to talk to others in their lives when things aren't going as planned that means that their partner isn't adequate.

I have fallen trap to this. I am someone that needs to process externally when I need to sort through something. This means that when I am upset about something, I like to talk to people about it to help me sort through everything that is happening in my brain.

My boyfriend is lovely and always listened to me, but I could tell that after a while I could see that my need to always go to him was wearing down on him too. I was essentially unloading the mess in my brain and handing it over to him.

You should feel comfortable turning to your partner when searching for support should always be an option, but they are their own person. They have things going on just like you do.

Solely relying on your partner to support you through a rough time is not fair to them.

I understand wanting to talk to someone about what is going on. Like I said earlier, I cope with things by processing externally. This is why I seek support from my friends and my family. There are some things that are better talked about with certain people and different states in which I am in that some people are better at than others.

For example, if I want help with finding a solution, my boyfriend is awesome at looking at things logically. If I need someone to listen to me about something that is going on in our relationship, then I probably won't go to him right away! If I just need to vent, I go to my mom or my best friend. Talking about it with them helps me come to him with a better idea of how I feel and how I would like us to address it. It improves our communication and we are able to have much clearer conversations.

I wouldn't be able to do that if I solely relied on him to support me.

No one should have to stand alone, and you should not need to rely on a single person. You have people who care about you and would be willing to hear you out or offer their support. This is not to take away from your partner's ability to be there for you, it is just a healthier way to build relationships with your partner and the people in your life.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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