My Partner Is Not My Support System

Your Partner Cannot, And Should Not, Be Your Sole Supporter

A tree has more than one root, and so should you.


We have all heard these phrases used when someone is speaking highly of their partner:

"He is my rock."

"They are always there for me no matter what."

"She keeps me sane."

Now, I am not here to say that those are bad things. Being supportive and empathetic are great qualities to have in a partner and quite integral to the success of most relationships.

What I am here to say is your partner should not be the only person that those statements apply to in your life.

I have seen so many of my friends get frustrated that the people they aren't enough to get them through a tough time. They complain that they don't say the right things, that they don't offer enough support, or are not attentive enough. They think that because they still feel the need to talk to others in their lives when things aren't going as planned that means that their partner isn't adequate.

I have fallen trap to this. I am someone that needs to process externally when I need to sort through something. This means that when I am upset about something, I like to talk to people about it to help me sort through everything that is happening in my brain.

My boyfriend is lovely and always listened to me, but I could tell that after a while I could see that my need to always go to him was wearing down on him too. I was essentially unloading the mess in my brain and handing it over to him.

You should feel comfortable turning to your partner when searching for support should always be an option, but they are their own person. They have things going on just like you do.

Solely relying on your partner to support you through a rough time is not fair to them.

I understand wanting to talk to someone about what is going on. Like I said earlier, I cope with things by processing externally. This is why I seek support from my friends and my family. There are some things that are better talked about with certain people and different states in which I am in that some people are better at than others.

For example, if I want help with finding a solution, my boyfriend is awesome at looking at things logically. If I need someone to listen to me about something that is going on in our relationship, then I probably won't go to him right away! If I just need to vent, I go to my mom or my best friend. Talking about it with them helps me come to him with a better idea of how I feel and how I would like us to address it. It improves our communication and we are able to have much clearer conversations.

I wouldn't be able to do that if I solely relied on him to support me.

No one should have to stand alone, and you should not need to rely on a single person. You have people who care about you and would be willing to hear you out or offer their support. This is not to take away from your partner's ability to be there for you, it is just a healthier way to build relationships with your partner and the people in your life.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.

Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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You Will Always Be The Best For Me

You're not perfect, and neither am I.


You're not perfect and neither am I. We've been through ups and downs in our relationship. We've been through a lot of heartbreaks. Yet, look at us – still holding each other's hands through it all. It was never easy but you were always there. It was not always rainbows and butterflies but we still have each other.

You will always be my favorite. Your smile brightens up my day. Your words of wisdom make me contemplate my life deeper. Your thoughts are like the ocean's secrets – when discovered, everything will make a huge difference. It will always be a pleasure to have you. You will always be one of the best decisions I've ever made.

You will always be my sanity. You always bring certainty among my clouds of doubts. Even in the blurry moments, it's you who makes everything clear. You always calm the storms inside me. Even if my heart still trembles with pain, it's you who keeps me at ease. You are the one who quiets the thunder within my head. You are the answer to every question left. Your love keeps me steady.

You will always be my best friend. You celebrated with my highs and grieved with my lows. Even in my darkest places, you still appreciated who I am. With every story, good or bad, you are the first person I want to share them with. You always listen to my endless rants and nonsense chats. You are not even afraid to tell your fears and insecurities around me. We always have each other's backs. You raise me up, even in the most impossible ways.

You will always be my partner. There will be more of those food trips, long rides, date nights, and movie marathons. It will always be your company that makes me the happiest. You are always there to help me with achieving my goals. You are always the main supporter of every dream that I'm chasing. You are a façade to every tower that I build. You are always ready to climb up within the walls that I've created. You never left me. You never gave up on me.

You will always be my home. I will always appreciate how you teach me how to cook. I will always love the smell of your hair left on my favorite shirts. I will always adore capturing photos of you. All those hugs-from-the-back, forehead kisses and sweet nothings will always be my comfort zone. You are the ceasefire within my wars. You are the strongest weapon within my battles. Yes, you are my safe haven.

You will always be my forever. As we keep on believing that this exists, our love will make this happen. Up to this day, you gave me what forever feels like. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you. The connection that we have will always be magical. The bond that we have will always be a part of us. All of these are the reasons why I always choose you.

I will keep on staying. I will never trade this kind of affection to anyone or anything. Whatever life throws upon us, I will keep on loving you. Whatever the odds may be, you will always be the best for me. TC mark

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