The year was 1993. I wasn’t born yet, neither was my older sister. However, at that time I had two siblings. 23 years later, one of them is my best friend and the other one is my angel.
Mom, you went through nine months of what I’m sure was a mix of happiness and pain just to await your first baby girl. Your son, my brother, was already born and you couldn’t wait for him to have a little sister to protect and cause trouble with. Dad, I’m hoping, waited on you hand and foot to make sure that everything was perfect for his soon-to-be Daddy’s Little Girl. It was June 17, and she was here. In all her crying, beautiful bundle, she arrived after nine months.
Her big brother got to greet her and kiss her cheek. Her aunts came and spoiled her with pink dresses and purple bears. These are the memories I’m sure you always carry with you.
I’m sorry, Mom and Dad. No parent should ever have to bury their child. She was only four days old but she experienced love that some people never get in a lifetime. When you told me about my big sister a few years ago, I couldn’t stop crying. Partly because of the sister I never got to meet but mostly because of you, Mom and Dad. You held your daughter in your arms. You wrote down her weight and her eye color and you called her by her name. You waited nine precious months for her, just to have her taken away from you like that.
After you told me about my sister, it made more sense why you chose to protect and shelter me more than some parents. Now I know why you guys - other than the fact you’re my parents - never made me question the love you have for me. It was hard to watch you guys finally cry in front of me over the daughter and sister we had lost. It was hard to watch you finally put out the baby pictures of her, and it was emotional to watch Mom put the white angel ornament on the tree, my first time truly grasping the sentimentality of it.
You lost one daughter that day, but you gained two over the next three years. I know not a day goes by when you don’t think about her. Not a day goes by since you told me that I haven’t thought about her. I can never imagine what it’s like to have to bury and plan a funeral for your child. What it’s like to love someone so much and then watch them get taken away from you.
Mom and Dad, I want you to know that she’s always in your heart. A piece of her is in me, and a piece of her is in my other sister. When she passed, she was greeted by her grandma and her great aunt, and I’m sure they told her crazy stories of her mother that she didn’t get a chance to hear.
You might not have known why it happened to you then but I think I might have an idea: God wanted me to have a guardian angel. My big brother and sister are protecting me here but as my older sibling, I know she’s watching over me from up in her spot beyond the clouds. I’m sad I’ll never get to experience what it’s like to have two sisters, but I’m glad I get to experience the amazing one I have, and I know we will all be reunited one day.
This is a letter to you, Mom and Dad. I know you miss her every day and you love her beyond your own capability, but the strength you both have shown us three kids is inspiring. I’ll forever be apologetic for the beautiful soul we all lost, but I’m forever grateful for the amazing spirit we have watching over us all.
