I was going into the 8th grade when my parents told me they were splitting up. As a kid, you see other families split up but, you never think it could happen to your family.

When my parents first told me about the divorce, I, just as any other kid would be, was confused and angry. I didn't understand what was happening and I just wanted my family to be a family again. As time went on, I became less angry, I began asking more questions and realizing different things.

Around my junior and senior year of high school, I understood. I surely knew that divorce was the best thing for my family. As both of parents are now happily remarried and I have gained two amazing new families. I was perfectly content with how my life played out. Now, going into my sophomore year of college, I am realizing that my parents divorce affected me in more way that just having to split holidays.

This past summer, while getting into one of the more serious relationships I have had in the past couple of years, I had an anxiety attack and ended up having more anxiety related issues than I have had in the past. During all of this and talking to people here and there about the anxiety and the relationship, I realized that there were hidden issues that I didn't particularly know about.

Divorce messed with my heart and my mind. Entering a new relationship made me realize that I just wasn't ready. The divorce has made me very independent, I got used to being on my own. I became aware of the fact that I was scared of commitment. I saw first hand how a marriage can fall apart and the fact that my love life could simply fall apart scared the crap out of me. Throughout the divorce, I learned to "not care" a lot. I learned to put up a front that I never cared about any hurt that happened in my life. Within the past couple of months I realized, I did indeed care... a lot.

Whether this is a good or bad thing, my expectations of a man are very high, However, I pay more attention to the flaws, I try to find a grenade that will be a reason for me to end the relationship. Love is a very hard concept for me, I have a tendency to be cynical about love and relationships, I have seen that love doesn't last and there is always the thought in my head that it never will. I have put numerous walls around my heart and the one door is chained with hundreds of deadbolts. I do not open up easily and talking about my feelings about love isn't something I do easily.

I am hard to love. With that being said, props to the man that will eventually get through the many walls around my heart, and thank you for fixing all of the characteristics that divorce created.