All the phrases we hear growing up about negative qualities of our personalities can become detrimental to one's whole existence.
Many children grow up never knowing just how special they are and they go through life never feeling “good enough.” So many people see life as a daunting task, always striving to be someone they think they should be, instead of looking at it as the incredible journey it is.
Heartbreaking as it is to admit, however, like most children, I've absolutely heard some hurtful expressions, like, "why don't you listen to me," "can you please just sit still," "and are you ever going to learn, Kell?," or most often, "tone it down." All of these phrases, though, never truly struck me as something I needed to do. Growing up they were often said by my parents and countless other authority figures (teachers, coaches etc.).
Luckily, I have parents that took the time to put in their best effort to try to understand the person I am and help me correct my wrongdoings, instead of punishing me. I have ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which is a disorder that causes a person to be unable to control their behavior due to difficulty in processing neural stimuli, accompanied by an extremely high level of motor activity. In other words, my brain is constantly running on a motor, so to speak, and I have difficulty staying on task if something is not of interest to me. As a child, I was parented in a way that made me feel equal and I was encouraged to learn and better myself as a person, instead of making me feel like a “bad kid.”
Granted, countless arguments arose that had me genuinely in the wrong. For example, if I was lashing out over not wanting to do homework, my parents would sit down and try to help me. I wanted so badly to be like everyone else and just simply understand what was going on in school and focus on an assignment or task, and never knew why I could not just be "normal." I was not allowed to sit by the window in a classroom and sometimes not even next to other students because at any moment, I could easily be distracted and thereby distract others. Growing up, I was the class clown and always the one to blurt out anything at a moment’s notice without thinking, or the kid to always do something silly because my impulsive nature always got the best of me and I never filtered any of my actions. Here I was thinking that I was just wrong for being this way, but I never understood why and never knew it was not my fault.
I’ll be honest in saying I was a very difficult to handle as a child because I hated school and always having to spend double the amount of time on work. My poor father got brunt of my difficult attitude before and after school because I simply hated it; I hated sitting still in a classroom all day trying to understand why knowing the cell count of a leaf determined my worth. I wondered why I wasn’t graded for the goals I scored in hockey games or remembering my favorite teachers' birthdays because those are things I cared about.
I was nothing like the other students because I didn’t want to be; grades never mattered because at a young age, my parents always encouraged me to try my best. Well, my best was always considered “average,” but I knew I wasn’t average--just different. I never doubted my mom and dad’s love for me; I never felt that I wasn't "good enough" or that I wasn't growing into the person they believed I could be. Not having to “prove myself” or reach an unrealistic expectation to the two people who loved me most is a gift I’ll forever cherish. The wonderful people they are inspire me to make them as a proud of me as I am of them.
Like any child, there have been plenty of times in my life when I felt as though things were just harder for me than everyone else. I had to try extra hard in school, manage countless impulses to flip out over something minuscule, not use my phone in the most inappropriate times, and my lack of filter got me into a lot of trouble.
I always had to be scolded or lectured a few times before I “learned my lesson” and I am lucky that my parents had the patience to deal with me. My mom and dad understood that I was different in that I had ADHD, but I never knew and they never let me know.
Looking back now as I go through coping with everyday struggles that occur with my ADHD, as hard as it is for me, I cannot imagine how hard it was for them. To have a child that genuinely could not sit still, follow simple directions, blurt out every thought that came to mind, and always having to manage my symptoms must have been incredibly difficult. Never once did they consider medicating me because they did not want me to become someone I wasn’t and they had their own beliefs about medication.
Anyway, my ADHD was officially diagnosed my junior year of college when my stress level was at an all-time high. My ADHD worsened because I was overwhelmed and going through a tough time. I had spent the previous semester living in Florida and interning at a very magical place (take a guess), and only had to take online classes. Once I came back to school, I had a tough course load, and lost my grandparents. I was in a dark place. Over the past year, my resilient nature and lots of therapy helped me overcome obstacles because, with ADHD, every day can feel like a nightmare.
As an adult, I have become more self-aware and try my best to manage the person I am and be the best I can be. I have a episodes where I can forget to answer someone, lose my keys, get overwhelmed, or cry for ten minutes. For example, in class, when I want to pay attention so badly but genuinely cannot stop tapping my foot or when I want to leave because something else just “needs to be done,” knowing it won’t get done anyways.
That’s just me though, and being knowledgeable about my condition, managing my symptoms, and always remembering to laugh at myself make it easier. Plenty of times each day people judge me, making comments or jokes about my symptoms. Silencing those voices and always remembering that I am good enough made me stronger and able to be a more compassionate person for others. When it came to growing up, I only surrounded myself with people that at least tried to understand me because I am unique in my own ways. I am proud to have ADHD because the great qualities it provides me outweigh the setbacks that are not all that bad. My "disorder" is just another personality trait and I could write a book about all the wonderful attributes of my personality that I wouldn't have without ADHD.
As humans we are designed to make mistakes, learning and growing everyday. I can imagine being a parent as being the hardest job, and to be one that loves their kids for who they are and embraces all the great qualities that make them special will make them successful in this world. Let’s be honest, we are all just trying to find our place here.
My parents did that for me and I believe that you should be a good example and inspire your children when they're young. Because many parents I know who didn’t are now fixing their child as an adult.
