I've always wanted to share slam poetry, to voice the words inside my head, but I've been to afraid to be vulnerable, to shout and scream, and cry about what affects me. But, writing for Odyssey has inspired me to be heard! I wrote this poem after a particularly difficult panic attack. I hope you enjoy!
Panic
I look in the mirror and what do I see?
A girl I don’t know is questioning my sanity
and I would too if I were you
Feeling confined
Hitting myself and wondering why
Can’t breathe
Chest is tight
God I’ve been like this all night
This is the face I show to you
no melancholy no-wait my face is turning blue
my eyes and ears are ringing, spinning
why must the demons always resort to winning
against my will they rip and tear
to pieces they mock and you just turn and stare
You reach out to help
Or do you? Wait my mind is twisted and better yet
Like rusted barbed wire left out on the cold
the coils of my brain they twist and moan
in and out of each other like Medusa’s snakes
and I sit here and I wonder why I have the shakes
They say bad luck comes in threes
well what about fours, or fives?
Six, seven, eight
Shit, this is high stakes
Like soldiers to battle my hormones misfire
with axes and weapons they strike for the kill
oxytocin and estrogen
forever at wills
Godamn!
Reminding myself than this too will pass
and the shadows that bind me with soon leave me at last
For, this is my body and this is my brain
and I can control it and I can remain