A while back, I wrote an article on this website called The Art of the Ink: A Dedication to Tattoos, in which I talked about tattoos, what they mean to society and what they mean to me. I mentioned that my only tattoo from that point in time related to my home, my state, and my brand, and correlated my ideals to societies by including the phrase, "Every tattoo I ever get will mean something very important to me." Well, the trend continues.
My newest piece of art, originating from the E-Dubble song "Code Words," tells a short yet important story of my life in the not so distant past. The song tells tales of recovering from failure and being proud of your failures by letting them stand next to your successes. E-Dub, or Evan Wallace, is a Philadelphia based rapper and hip hop artist, with a twist. He raps about his past. E-Dub entered a depressed state as a young adult, and instead of accepting prescriptions to help him overcome this disorder, he decided to do it without drugs to aid him. He eventually took control of his depression and entered a healthy state of mind with a brighter outlook on what he had done and what he had overcome, and with it came inspiration for much of his music.
This track in particular talks directly about a portion of E-Dubs life when he was in between unstable and fully recovered, when reflection started to first take place. In his opening line, he roughly stated that he took some time to step back and see what he was doing wrong, and why he had become in a depressed state to the point where looking in the mirror was a struggle. During the Chorus, his featured artist named Jhameel, stated, "Pain in just the fire for ambition." What he means by this, directly to E-Dub, is that his failure as a person and as an artist during his poor mental state stirred him up, creating a new hunger for success and happiness. And of course, that's where I come in.
For a very good chunk of time, probably close to a year, I was in a state of melancholy, for lack of a better term. I wasn't clinically depressed, but i was in the worst state of mind i had ever experienced. My grades suffered, I despised my old job, and my social life tanked. I hated who I was turning out to be, or the illusion of what i thought i was turning out to be. I didn't look out for myself at all either, allowing things other people desired to cloud my image of what I desired. My situation put myself in a pretty tight, dark spot. Come Spring of this last year, I didn't want to feel that way anymore, so I began to change things. I found a new job, tried harder in school, made some new, amazing friends and most importantly, I started to look out for myself. I gave myself love, and it's got me really, really far. This tattoo and this song remind myself not to let myself become what I had before, and to look out for my better interests. Pressure makes diamonds the same way pain is the fire for ambition to grow, and grow it did.
