My teacher tells me she loves my paper, and I am happy. I am told I look pretty that day, and I am happy. I get a good grade on my project, and I am happy.
But I remember staying up late to work on my paper, and I was not happy. I remember looking at myself in the mirror that morning, and I was not happy. I spent hours at the library to finish the project, but I was not happy.
It was then I realized happiness for me came in the form of validation from other people. I based my happiness on what others told me and on what others thought of me. I needed validation from those around me to be happy, and when I didn’t get it, it sucked. A lot.
I convinced myself I wasn’t worthy when my teacher didn’t mention my paper, when I didn’t get compliments on my appearance, or when I got a bad grade on my project. That’s when I knew it was time to shift the way I thought. I had to find ways to be happy, removed from the opinions of others.
With that, I started investing in myself. I made the time to do things I enjoyed doing. I was no longer scared I would be lonely if I went somewhere new because I found the value in spending time with myself. I was no longer upset at a bad grade for something I worked hard on because I learned to be proud of my work.
External validation is not bad, by any means, but it cannot be the only thing you rely on because when that validation stops, you have nothing.
The journey to happiness is just that – a journey. Happiness is not one set emotion; it is a combination of everything happening on the way there. On that journey is when I realized I needed to make myself happy – no one else will do it for me.
Compliment someone, and you make them happy for five minutes. Allow someone to make their own happiness, and you give them the tools to live a happy life.
