Over the rainbow, I don’t hope to find a pot of gold, I don’t hope for fame or fortune, not even perfection. Over the rainbow, I hope to find a happiness within myself.
Everyday, I always try to better myself, because lets face it, I’m not perfect. No one is perfect; we all need improvement. As a part of being a dancer, it has become a habit for me to look in the mirror and find every tiny flaw in the image facing back towards me. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but often enough, I am too hard on myself.
As I grow older, I tend to think as though I am traveling more on my rainbow of life, I am becoming closer to the end. I fully believe that no one will truly be happy with his or her life as a whole until they are content with themselves. My rainbow is a journey of happiness, there are setbacks, and then there are random bursts forward.
There is also something else I would like to find on the other side of my rainbow. I want to know the answer as to why I was put into this life. I fully believe that every single person on this earth, good or bad, has a reason as to why they are here on earth. Does every have some sort of soul-set duty they are to fulfill.
For some, it is to entertain, for others it could be to lead, and the rest could be here to test the qualities of us as a whole. For me, I don’t know yet.
I know I can entertain, I know that I have the ability to lead, yet I don’t feel as though I know exactly what I am destined to do, which I kind of like. I enjoy the feeling of mystery in my future; surprises are my favorite.
On the other side of the rainbow, I do in fact want to know why I am here on earth, but I want to know that before I die. I don’t want to know just yet, I have time on my side.
While cleaning out my computer drive, I found a short essay about the idea of what I wanted to find on the other side of the rainbow. I was only 16 years old when I wrote this essay, which means it has been almost five years since I last thought of this piece. Reading through it, not much has changed – I am still in search of my happiness and why I am who I am. Cutting out toxic people was one of the hardest things for me to personally do but has completely assisted in my search for self-joy. Friends who talked bad about me, a manipulative relationship, and even “family” members who don’t resemble the idea of a family member whatsoever, I had to let them go. I still struggle to find myself wanting to give them all a second chance, to find a possibility in them to see if they could change. Most of the time, people do not change. You can not hold on to the past.
I hope I have made part of my 16-year-old self proud, in some sort of way. I have made accomplishments I have never even thought of, and learned from my multiple mistakes. I am not on the other side of my rainbow yet, and to be honest, I am not ready to be. I am just taking the journey day by day.
