A couple months ago, I woke up to the news that far too many peoples' lives had been once again forever altered due to yet another shooting. The tragedy tugged at my heart for a couple days before I sat down to write out the following article, which was originally published on Spirit and Scribe, my blog.
On June 12, 2016, over 100 people were killed and injured in what is now reported as the largest mass shooting in United States history.
American citizen Omar Mateen opened fire in Orlando, Florida at Pulse nightclub, which is known for being a local hotspot for those in the LGBT+ community of Orlando.
Since Sunday morning, the news of the shooting has been splashed across nearly every social media site and news channel. Just from my own observations in the past two days, I've come across many reactions to the shooting, which unfortunately is to be expected. I am in no way shocked that it has caused the uproar that it has. Especially with so many hot topics mixed together (hate crimes, LGBT communities, ISIS, gun control).
However, I don't think it is ridiculous for people to share their thoughts in any way, and I completely respect that. In return, I expect people to respect my thoughts as well.
(Keeping in mind that there is a difference between spreading thoughts and opinions versus spreading hate and judgement. Even if someone has a thought that a majority of people might not agree with, there is still a tactful way to share those thoughts. If I am scrolling through Facebook and see a post full of opinions I disagree with, I do not mind at all unless that post is full of rude terminology and uneducated debates. That is my only concern.)
After everything that has happened, though, I feel like finally getting all of my thoughts out. I have been overhearing so many things this past couple of days and personally have been feeling so many emotions, for both Orlando and additional personal reasons.
This might be the most personal thing I've written on here so far, but it has reached the point where I don't mind anymore. So here goes nothing.
Senseless acts of tragedy have been happening for decades upon decades. We all know this. We read about these events in our history textbooks growing up, but as children, we don't realize that eventually, these events might hit us closer to home than we ever expected.
In the past few years, when it comes to shootings in the United States we have seen so many lives be silenced by bullets, seen triggers pulled by human beings who hold thoughts we can't even fathom.
The sad thing is that as citizens of the country that is meant to be the safe haven for all kinds of people, we've been witnesses of horrid events against all kinds of people.
When will the day come where we are once again shocked to hear about a shooting at a school, church, theatre, club? Better yet, when will the day come where we are once again shocked to hear about another shooting at all? Because right now, as a country we are beginning to become desensitized to these events. I am not saying that they are less horrible or less tragic. But it is like a shooting happens somewhere in the country and our immediate response is, "Oh no, not again. Where this time?" And that in itself should be a huge warning that something needs to change.
I don't know what that may be right now, but all I think is that something needs to change when it comes to the distribution of weapons. I am in no way saying that people who have owned guns for years can no longer have them. I have many relatives who own guns and I've grown up around them, with relatives who go hunting. Do I completely condone hunting? Not really, for my own reasons. But does that give me a right to strip away someone else's appreciation for it? Not at all.
All I am saying is that as a country we need to find a better way. We all know this at least. We may not have a solution that will make everyone happy yet, but we won't know until we try.
But those are my thoughts on that. I don't want to make this post to create some heated debate on gun control. That happens enough on its own and I, in no way, want to somehow put my foot in my mouth and create more hysteria. I'm just tired of seeing so many people die.
My bigger comment to all of this is mainly geared towards supporting this community.
After hearing the news about Orlando, I definitely felt more frightened than I had in a long time when it came to being a part of the LGBT community.
Anybody that knows me pretty well is aware that I am not one to bring up certain topics on my own. Such as relationships, religion, politics, etc. These are topics I am more than willing to discuss if someone asks, but odds are if I initiate the talks it will be around close friends or family. This probably has to do with my dislike of attention and confrontation.
I am aware that there are family members or friends in my life who are not aware that I'm a part of this community. But to finally spell it all out: I identify as Bisexual. The "B" in LGBT. I identify as this just because it is an answer to our society that seems to love labels so much. Honestly though, I just feel and follow how I feel. I like who I like, in simple terms. I'm not a huge fan of labels, but I can use this one to give people a more understandable answer if they want it. And many people don't understand this sexuality, which I can respect. Sure, I get that sometimes learning things outside of your own "norm" can be a bit confusing. Just don't discredit my character or my quality as a human being just because you might not completely understand my relationship.
If this tragedy in Orlando did anything, it was make me feel both proud and very sad.
Sad and scared. Scared for other people in this community all over both the country, but also the world. Scared for people young and old who haven't yet felt ready to come out or open up about how they feel, and now feel even more afraid to. Scared to attend my own Pride event, just because of the possibility of something happening there. Even a little bit scared to hold my girlfriend's hand in public, just a little bit, all in the aftermath of everything in Orlando.
But also proud to be a part of this community. Even more so to be proud of who I am and how secure I feel living my life most of the time. Proud I was brave enough to be myself and maintain that. Even if people might not agree with my relationship, for whatever reason, I at least expect respect as a human being. And most of the time I get it, and I'm grateful. I can honestly say that my relationship has been one of the best things for me, too. Being with her helped strengthen my own faith in God, and helped me gradually become happier in my own skin. Not to mention her family has been nothing but supportive of me and helping me with things. I've felt so welcomed by her family and I couldn't be more grateful for that.
For all of it. So in the end, I'm still feeling frightened of everything that happened in Orlando, and how violence throughout the country truly needs to change, because in the end, people are dying and the one thing every single person should agree on is that these deaths upon deaths are not okay.
I'm scared of the things that are happening, and I'm angry that they are. But I'm not ashamed of who I am at all, either.
People need to remain strong, but I completely understand that people are scared.
I get it, and I think that people have every right to be.
The world needs to change, and I think deep down we all know it.
Step by step, I hope we get there.
