You’ve probably heard the saying “opposites attract” countless times. People always say that the right partner is one who possesses opposite qualities from us.

Wrong. SO wrong.

Why do so many of us believe in this idea? We’ve been living a lie our whole lives, thanks to the plethora of iconic romances that we look up to. From Beauty and the Beast to John Legend and Chrissy Teigen, we’ve always been exposed to picturesque love stories of couples who come together despite their stark contrasts. (Disclaimer: no hate on John and Chrissy — I’m obsessed with them, too. #goals)

In all relationships, even friendships, we gravitate towards people who share similar traits, opinions and values with us. People who are similar to us satisfy our humanistic need for validation — interacting with others who agree with us is gratifying; it feels good to be around those who make us feel comfortable in our own skin.

Have you ever heard the saying, “you are who you surround yourself with”? Consider your best friend: odds are you have more than just one thing in common — you probably have hundreds of commonalities… too many to count. I think anyone would agree that their best friend has a large impact on who they are as a person and how they choose to behave in daily life. The same goes for any other relationship, especially romantic ones. The person you choose to love has a huge influence on you, and we all know how powerful — and dangerous — love already is, so choose wisely. Set your standards high and choose someone who you’d be proud to see a reflection of yourself in.

Because of this idea, realizing the importance that similarity plays in cultivating relationships can not only help you to find the right person, but to stay true to yourself. Falling in love with someone who contrasts so sharply to you may lead to a broken heart, and you run the risk of losing sight of yourself along the way.

“Opposites attract” is some bullshit. Contrary to popular belief, the right person is someone who possesses similar qualities to us. Thinking that the ideal partner is someone who is different from you in every way will only set yourself up for a ticking time bomb later on.

So, the next time you venture on the hunt for a significant other, search for someone who is compatible with your unique (and ever important) values and perspectives. If they don’t meet those standards, someone else will. I promise.