Dad.
That doesn't seem like a word you should be called anymore. Selfish, ignorant, cynical, and patronizing seem more fitting. Your constant broken promises and hurtful words cut so deep in me. I never realized how much you really hurt me until I started writing this letter.
You used to be the ideal dad. You went to every game, music concert, and school activity. You would encourage us to follow our dreams, pursue what we thought couldn't be done, but most importantly, you encouraged us to love Jesus. Unfortunately, along the way, you quit coming to the games, you didn't care about the music, you told us we were worthless, and our dreams were silly. You made me question Christ's love for me because of the "love" you showed me.
You put your own selfish needs before the needs of my sisters and my mother. You let your addictions take over your life. You let them ruin you. You ruined what I thought was a pretty good life. I often wondered how you could see that you were losing us and continue to act the way you do, that's when I realized... You lost yourself. You're no longer patient and understanding. You're a liar and you're manipulative. The once soft smile is replaced with a scowl. Your caring words have been drowned out by insults. The love I once felt for you is gone.
You've missed out on so much. You have missed out on contests, holidays, tragedies, graduations, and engagements. I'm sorry that we don't seem worth your while.
It's been 10 months since we've last spoken. You did not have one good word to say to me or about me. I have since forgiven you. I forgive you for all the times you promised to help and didn't, for the days you promised to visit and never showed up. I forgive you for the hurtful words and lies. I forgive you to free myself from the hurt of carrying the hurt of your words. I forgive you in order to forgive myself for the negative words I've spoken to you. Most importantly, I forgive you because forgiveness is what God demands of us.
Finally, I thank you. I thank you for showing me that no man's love will ever compare to the love of my heavenly Father. I thank you for stepping out of the picture so a new man can step in. I thank you for the lessons learned. Finally, I thank you for the short years of loving me more than yourself. So, thanks, "dad."
