People ask what is it like to live with anxiety. Honestly, to put it blankly, it sucks. There I said it, it sucks.
It is getting excited for an event and getting ready and in the process, it hits you out of a nowhere: a panic attack, and you crumble into a million pieces. That is anxiety. It is something that puts you down when you least expect it. It sucks. It controls your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, and your day to day living. It feels like you can't even help yourself. Like someone is controlling your body for you. For me sometimes, it is embarrassing. Because I do not want people to see me in that state. It makes me angry, and frustrated. It is an infuriating feeling that something can destroy you and sometimes, you just have to let it. That is anxiety.
It feels like an enemy. A heavy weight that sits on your shoulders. You know it's there, but you never know when it will strike. That is anxiety. It can make you feel helpless, and insecure, and so many other things that sometimes cannot be described. But you have to live with it. You have to deal with it because you do not have any other choices. That is anxiety. It is something that lowers your self esteem. When you have been doing so well making so much progress and boom! it strikes you down. That is anxiety.
I will be honest, I hate you anxiety. With a burning passion. I hate you more than I have ever hated anything in the world. But I am stuck with you, and have to learn to live with you, so I do. Some days better than others. But I learn to deal with you. Because I never know when you will break me, or when I will be strong enough to win. Maybe one day I will beat you.