First of all, I get it if you leave. I'm a lot to handle. I need a lot of reassurance that I'm not a terrible person, and often times I wont even believe you if you compliment me, or if you were to perhaps say you loved me. It's so hard for me to believe those things.
I'm an anxious individual. I second guess myself a lot, and I'm even doubtful of others. Don't let me push you away, because sooner or later I may try to. I find ways to convince myself that I'm better off alone, or that I don't need anybody. I'm wrong, don't believe a word I say. I often have a hard time finding light in corners that don't exist. Once I find someone I really like, I stick like super glue, thinking I have romantic chances with people who'd never think twice about it. During and after hangouts with friends, I will ask you over and over, are we okay? Did I do something wrong? Are you annoyed with me? Are you mad at me? Are we okay? I'll call you at 1 am, rambling about how anxious I am I may lose you, or again asking for reassurance that our friendship isn't one sided. It's not that I can't understand social cues, I just can never be too sure. I always have to know if I'm okay where I stand with someone. If I don't ask, I don't know, and then I'm an anxious time bomb. Then I'm pushing you away, isolating myself, and panicking at night. You'll never know if I'm okay or not unless you've known me for years, or if you've seen it first hand. I've used smiling as a defense mechanism for so long most times I don't even realize I'm doing it, so how could I expect anybody else to?
There are perks, though. There's perks to being friends with such an anxious girl, for instance: I know what it's like to be anxious. I know what it's like to second guess your friends and yourself. My phone is always on, even at night, so if you call me at 3 am, I'm there. I will be there for you and help you as much as I can in most situations, whether it's talking to you, taking you to the hospital if you need to, or keeping you company when you're having a bad day. I'm an amazing listener, and you can basically get me to do anything with free food. I'm not the most optimistic person, but I do have a lot of love in my heart for whoever sticks around, whoever puts up with me and whoever I can put up with.
I'm not a broken person, I just require a little more patience. Be honest with me, be kind, trust me, and we'll be okay.
