There's this overwhelming feeling that makes you angry and upset all the time and you can't shake it. You've definitely been hurt or somehow betrayed, and while I could sit here and say, "it's okay," I know how it feels... It's not. You're not okay, but understand it's okay to not be okay. But tell me, how long have you been holding it all in, letting it effect you, and allowing it to consume your every thought? It's been a long time coming, am I right?
Coming to terms with the fact that you're not alright with what's happened to you is healthy. No matter the length of the time, if you're not ready to make nice, you're not ready. Even pretending you're fine with it won't work; I can tell you that from experience. Now, what I can tell you with confidence, is that in order to get this heavy weight off your shoulder, you have to come to terms with the feelings that you're feeling. That means painstakingly taking into account everything that's happened down to the very last detail.
Processing is hard, but it's time. You know how it feels to constantly have this part of you that's just mad about something that's happened in the past, knowing you can't control it... It feels like a waste of time, senseless even. You can't change anything that's happened to you in the past, you can only learn from it. I know as corny and eye-roll worthy as that sounds, it's true.
There's a quote that says, "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Maybe it's easier said than done, but for the sake of your well-being and mental health, it's something to definitely think about. In all reality that's what you're doing to yourself, drinking metaphorical poison. Think about the times you let that bad memory, person, hurt, or experience ruin your day. I know have, and it's the worse kind of reason to have a bad day. Don't let someone or something that made you feel so inferior drag you down.
It wasn't until just recently I came to terms with what may have been the worst year of my life. I was insecure, beaten down, and had no hope of it getting any better. I spent months dwelling on events I couldn't change and relationships I couldn't fix. I was mad, so mad, so much so that I stoped living and being happy. All I could focus on was the anger I held towards the people who wronged me or the events that happened.
Moral of the story, don't stop living. Not for him, not for her, not for the crappy situation you went through, literally anything. At the end of your life you're going to regret the time you spent on something you couldn't change. It's time to break those chains you've put on yourself and forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive it all, because you deserve the happiness of release. I promise, pinky promise, that when you get there, it is so worth it. So make nice, even if it's just with yourself because you are strong enough.
