My Dear,
We have this THING that has created a bond between us that nothing else in the world could have ever made - cancer. While I know we would never have chosen this path to become friends, I am beyond grateful for it. However, as much as I love you, some days I am scared to check my Facebook because it terrifies me that you might have had a bad day. So some days I am farther from you than I would like to be. I love you so dearly that I just wish I could take you pain away. I want to take the chemo for you, so you don't have to suffer because that is how I cope. I would rather suffer for the cause of not losing you, than watch you suffer. While I know most don't understand this, you do. Just in case you don't know, the days that I distance myself from you are not because I don't love you by any stretch of the imagination. I love you so much that I can't talk to you and hold together my facade that your pain doesn't phase me.
Darling, some days I wish we didn't have this bond of cancer, but other days I am so grateful for it. It has given us a special friendship and bond that very few people in the world with ever understand. But my dear, never think we are only friends because we have had cancer. Cancer simply gave us an opportunity to create a bond that is different than any other. While some days I wish that we could have just been friends and neither of us would have had to be afflicted with cancer, but in many ways darling, I honestly count it a privilege that the Lord saw fit that both of us had cancer. While our lives have been very different up to this point, we have both had this divine appointment that has allowed us this bond.
While it might seem tedious to some to hear all of the details of your days the ups and even the downs, I always anxious to hear them. And when you have the bad days, please don't be afraid to tell me. I truly want to know. I care about you so deeply and I always want to be here for you. But please understand, some days even though I don't want to, I have to distance myself from certain things because they cut me to the quick and I start to slip into my fear of relapse. While I know that sounds like a contradiction, I know you will get me -- you always do.
Finally my darling, I just want to remind you that regardless of the good and bad that cancer has brought into our lives, I am still eternally grateful for you. And remember, cancer sucks, but cancer friends are for life - thick and thin, up and down, high and low. Darling, life is tough, but so are you. Keep fighting, never give up, and stay strong little fighter.
Much love.
