Dear ex boyfriends, judgmental people, and bullies,

Remember me? The girl you called ugly? The girl you laughed at in the hallway? The girl you called fat? Oh, and my absolute favorite "How does it feel to be a member of the side fat club?" Screw you all. My confidence issues have ruined relationships, but more importantly ruined myself. I have problems walking with my head up to my classes, I have problems eating that last piece of cake, and I struggle believing the new guy in my life when he tells me how beautiful I am.

Recently, I found myself looking in the mirror, and telling myself I was pretty for the first time in a long time. I was proud of who I had become, and I was beginning to believe that I was a beautiful person, however until another comment.

I went Ice skating this past weekend, and had a blast. I wasn't worried about what people were saying when I fell on my butt, or running into the wall. All I was thinking about was that I was having fun. When I got home though, I received a text. A text saying that "Man, I thought I was becoming interested in you, but you are not fit enough. I thought I could look past it, but I can't. You are fat." How can someone say that to someone? How do they think that is ever okay?

I think about my ex boyfriend a lot, the one I stayed with for three years because he put in my mind I could not do better. I dealt with the "you are so fat" and "I'm sorry you are ugly" comments, I dealt with him calling me the C-word on a daily basis. I even dealt with him going grocery shopping with me, and putting things back because "that is why you are ugly." Why is this okay? Why did you do that to me for so long?

"It is okay to dislike someone, or even dislike someone for no reason. But it is not okay disrespect, degrade, and humiliate that person."

I think about the bullies in high school a lot. The ones that caused me to miss 36 days my senior year, the ones that caused me to come home hysterically crying to my mom day after day. Some days I would come home, look in the mirror, and honestly wonder why I was even alive. I couldn't escape just by coming home either, It was never ending with social media and texting. I received texts like "you are so ugly, and fat. How can you even live with yourself?," "No one likes you, no one would miss you if you were gone" or the side fat comment. I ended up quitting cheerleading my senior year, the thing I loved most because of bullies. Your senior year is supposed to be one of the most memorable times in your life, yet I was living a nightmare.

I will never go to a high school reunion, I haven't been back to a football game, and I only talk to about three people I graduated with. Looking back now though, why did I let you all win? What possessed you to be so mean to me? What did I ever do to you?

I even see it at my little brother's school with the moms. I see parents tell their children not to play with my little brother because he's louder than the rest (he's deaf), I see moms whispering about other moms clothes, or hair. I'm sorry maybe they put their child first this morning. Maybe they had a choice to either dress their child in name brand, or themselves and chose their child. I hate to tell you, but just because you can afford to make yourself beautiful on the outside, doesn't make you a beautiful person on the inside. Who are you to judge them? Does it ever stop?

Now I have a new guy in my life, someone who is there for me, and tells me I'm beautiful every single day. Yet, my confidence issues hurt our relationship, and is one of the main reasons we aren't dating yet. I don't blame him though, why should he feel like he has to lift someone up every day? It is not his job. I've always been told that the reason people are so mean is because they are jealous, or are just insecure. Those aren't excuses though. I pray for you every day to stop hurting people, and to focus on yourself. I know when I look in the mirror, I may not see myself as pretty, but I can look inside myself and tell myself I am beautiful. I help children every day, I stop bullies every day, I am smart, and I put my heart into everything I do. I look out for others first, before myself. Even my ex boyfriend, my bullies, and the judgmental people I deal with every single day, I put you all before myself every day. My greatest goal in life is to teach my elementary students that it is not okay to bully, that it is not okay to judge. I will tell them my story, and ask them if they like that their own teacher was called ugly. I bet they won't.

I am enough, and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.

With love every single day,

The "president of the side fat club."

"Though I fall, I will rise again." Micah 7:8