To the naive, confused girl I used to know,
It’s been a while, almost three years to be exact. My, how things have changed since we last spoke. There are so many things I wish I could have told you going into all of this; like not to fall for that frat boy that says all the right things, or not to skip that class too many times, or to avoid the spicy chicken in the dining hall. Above all, I wish I could’ve warned you that nothing in life is constant, and not everything goes as planned.
Looking back on a skinnier, younger version of yourself, you thought you had it all figured out. They all warned you that a lot would change in four years, but you ignored them. Everyone was so confused on what their future held, but not you. Attend this school, join these clubs, get these grades, fall in love with this guy, do this after graduation and live happily ever after, right? Wrong. You had it all figured out, until you didn’t. Little did you know you would transfer schools. Little did you know getting a "C" in one class would make you feel like dying, that you would never talk to your high school best friends again, that you would lose so many people along the way. You see darling, having a plan is great, until you stray from that plan and are left feeling like nothing but disappointment.
What I am here to tell you is to let go of that disappointment and learn to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for those nights you drank too much. Forgive yourself for the friends you’ve lost along the way. Forgive yourself for falling for his stupid smile and piercing blue eyes. Forgive yourself for gaining the weight you said you never would and failing to lose it. Forgive yourself for changing your major, twice. Forgive yourself for the relationships you ruined, and for the ones you let dwindle away. Forgive yourself for not getting that 4.0. Forgive yourself for doing all the things you said you would never do.
What you also didn’t know was that transferring schools would be the best decision you’ve ever made, that one bad grade won’t kill you, that anyone who wants to stay in your life will stay, and that you are no longer a 17-year-old who can eat whatever she wants and still weigh 114 pounds, but that’s okay. Sure you did a lot of things you swore you would never do, like join a sorority, but they led to some of the best experiences.
So create a new plan, or don’t create one at all. It’s okay to have setbacks and change your mind 100 times if that’s what it takes to make you happy, but forgive yourself for all the things you did wrong and most of all be proud of yourself for all the things you did right. After all, like the brave Lucas Scott once said; “One day you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”
I’ll be seeing you,
Your soon-to-be senior self
